Strange Visitings
by Kawaii Elf Girl
Summary: Legolas takes Aragorn and Gimli to his home in Mirkwood to show what it is really like not an ordinary elven home but a foundation of chaos NEW I accidently put up the wrong chapter again this one is right though although u might have to wait awhile forit
1. Chapter 1: The Deal

Strange Visiting  
  
Disclaimer: Hello again ya'll! Just saying (again) I don't own any of this stuff except for anyone I make up! Oh, and by the way, I have edited all of the chapters (again) but fanfiction.net is still being stupid so quotation marks and other stuff like that shall be replaced with ' until I can fix it (or rather, until "they" fix it)  
  
Summary: Legolas takes Aragorn and Gimli to his home in Mirkwood to show what it is "really" like. Not an ordinary elven home, but the foundation of chaos.  
  
Chapter 1: The Deal  
  
"Another drink please!" came the voice of an already tipsy Legolas. Aragorn and Gimli were already inebriated beyond recall save a night's sleep. Aragorn tried to pour some more wine into Legolas cup but miss poorly. Gimli tried to put his head underneath the bottle to catch it in his mouth but while some of it made it to his mouth, most of it splattered all over his face. "Ai'! There is no point on wasting wine in such a matter!" cried Legolas as he corrected Aragorn's aim.  
  
The next day, they all had hang-overs that made them feel as though they were dieing. "Uhhh.." groaned Aragorn. Legolas was usually so graceful it made the others jealous but when Legolas attempted to get up he fell on top of Gimli who was trying very hard not to vomit. "You know elf. That's not helping.." "Ugh.. I'm sorry Gimli. Ai' Elbereth Glithoniel! My head!" Legolas moaned as he massaged his head, "And I have to start back home today..." Aragorn looked up from throwing up, "What? You're leaving already?" Gimli couldn't believe it, "Come on elf, you know that anything at your place as boring unless some dwarves show up!"  
  
Legolas gave them a sarcastic look, "Trust me, Mirkwood had plenty going on without dwarves causing trouble." Gimli laughed, "Oh yea, like *any* elven home is interesting when there are only elves present!" Legolas scowled, "If you truly think that Gloinion, then you have never met my siblings..." Legolas shuddered as he thought what torture would be in store for him when he returned. Gimli scoffed, "Oh really, then I don't suppose you'd mind showing us how interesting life is in that little perfect sing- songy world of yours.." "Done!" said Legolas knowing that Gimli would live to regret those words. 


	2. Chapter 2: Arrival

Disclaimer: Same thing, don't own nothing except for original characters. Note: Yeah, I know the last chapter stunk but remember, this is supposed to be a short little piece that's *supposed* to be funny. It is not a work of art by *any* means. The last chapter wasn't funny I know. This chapter should be a little better. Oh and just for a note, Legolas is the oldest of Thranduil's kids.  
  
Chapter 2: The Arrival  
  
They passed through the borders of Mirkwood. They were not stopped on account it looked as though the guards had a little party of their own and were still sleeping it off. Or at least, that's what the three hunters assumed as a few of them had lampshades on their heads. Not to mention a few of them were attempting to sleep like bats (it didn't work very well for one of them had fallen out of the tree).  
  
"It won't be much longer now and if you guys feel anything, like eyes watching you..." Gimli cut it off, "I know, don't worry about it, it's probably just some of your friends." Legolas shook his head as he picked up a few rocks. "No! Do tell me because it may be my brothers." Aragorn cocked his head, "I've been here many times before and I've never seen your brothers..." "That's because they have always been grounded when you were here." He stopped on the road and motioned for the others to stop. He threw one of the larger rocks forwards. As soon as it hit the ground, a net sprang up and trapped the rock.  
  
Legolas threw the other two smaller rocks right above them. Then they heard two yelps and two young (twin) elflings who both looked remarkably like miniature Legolases plummeted to the ground. However, they got caught in some of the ropes from their trap and they hung upside-down by their ankles. Legolas smirked, "Aragorn Gimli, meet Cu (Bow) and Pilin' (Arrow)" Either Cu or Pilin' (Aragorn couldn't tell which) shouted, "Legolas!!! You spoiled a perfectly good trap." His twin nodded, "Really Legolas, couldn't you have just gone around?" Legolas smiled, "If you're going to be that way, I'll leave you here, and let the guards get you down." Aragorn didn't think that *anybodies* eyes could get as big as two pairs hanging before him did. "Legolas! They'd leave us here, you know that! And dad'll kill ya!"  
  
Legolas sighed and then cut the rope allowing his two younger brothers to fall onto the ground. They ran off no doubt planning to get Legolas back some how. "I'm going to have to watch my back for the rest of my life or until they get me... They don't forget easily to exact revenge on anyone." They were almost at the palace when they heard a loud shriek. Legolas smiled ruefully, "and that sounds like my darling sister..." Sure enough, Cu and Pilin' were dashing out with what looked like some elvish clothes. Although they seemed to belong to a woman. Then, right behind them dashed an elf girl. Aragorn was sure that she was very pretty when she wasn't chasing her brothers with a hatchet.  
  
"YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!!! COME BACK HERE WITH THAT!!!! I"M GOING TO $"@$% KILL YOU TWO!!!!!!" shouted the fair "lady". The two elven boys dodged behind a tree just as she threw the hatchet and it stuck into the tree that Cu and Pilin' just made refuge behind. Then Aragorn saw something that he had never seen before. King Thranduil was laughing as though drunk at the scene before him (he obviously had more wine than was good for him). "Ha, ha, ha!!!" he laughed pointing at his daughter, "You sound just like your idiot mother!!! Ha, ha, ha-"but then he stopped with a wide eyed looked of shock on his face. An elf woman (who was obviously Legolas" mother) stood next to Thranduil and had lightly stuck a sword into Thranduil's arm. "Whose an idiot oh happy dear?" she chided. Thranduil screamed clutching his arm to stop the bleeding (which it was not doing heavily).  
  
Legolas shook his head and tried to hide his smile. Gimli and Aragorn were in shock. They had never seen "any" elf or elves act like this. "MOM!!! DAD!!! COULD YOU PLEASE STOP THAT!!!!" came a shrill voice emitted from the young elf girl but she then softened and suddenly became very sweet and shook her finger at her father as though chiding him. "Honestly father, and you're supposed to be the king, you silly fool." Thranduil gave her a dirty look, but then looked shocked, "Hey, there's a hole in your dress! I can see you're underwear, Lindor (Songbird)!!!" Lindor looked horrified and tried to find the whole so she could cover it up. While she was looking the two twins got a signal from their father.  
  
Cu and Pilin' dropped a bucket of water o their unsuspecting sister from a tree top. As one could imagine, Lindor was not happy. The twins came down. "Aww sis, come one, it's not *that* bad." They said as they tried to conceal their laughter. She still didn't look very pleased and this was confirmed when she grabbed a pitchfork and threw it at Cu and Pilin' who luckily just jumped over a fence. The pitchfork hit the fence and stuck there. "Really daughter, I thought you would have stopped falling for that trick, you silly fool." mocked Thranduil shaking his finger just like his daughter did only moments before. Lindor was already in a bad mood, "Grrrrr..." But her mother beat her to the punch as Verne' (Legolas' mother) began choking him, "DON"T YOU CALL HER A SILLY FOOL THRANDUIL OROPHERION (Son of Oropher)!!! SHE WORKS HARDER THAN BOTH OF THOSE TWO AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!" Thranduil's face was now turning a little blue, "GAHHH!!! I CANT BREATH I CANT BREATH!!!!"  
  
Gimli and Aragorn heard Legolas sigh at their sides. "Welcome to the only Elven Home that also serves as a mental institution..."  
  
Ok... I think that was a bit funnier. Tell me what you think PLEASE!!!! I will update a lot more and quicker if you review! 


	3. Chapter 3: Lecherous Legolas

Disclaimer: I still don't own it; I don't even own most of the clothes I wear! If someone *did* know how I could come to own Orlando Bloom though, I'd settle with that but as that is highly unlikely, I shall have to settle with writing fan fiction about that dashing elf he plays in the Lord of the Rings. This ain't supposed to be perfect, just cute. By the way, this is meant to be seen as an anime cartoon. *In an anime cartoon, nosebleeds are a sign of sexual arousal. Anyway, read, enjoy and review!  
  
Chapter 3: Lecherous Legolas ;)  
  
Aragorn and Gimli were staring at Legolas' parents not believing what their eyes saw when they were shoved out of the way by Legolas. Seconds later, two buckets of water soaked the ground where they had been standing. "Awwww... Legolas!!!" whined Cu. "Why won't you let us prank your friends?" "You *know* we'll get them sooner or later!* finished Pilin". "Not if I can help it!" Legolas shouted back. Gimli could have sworn that he just saw a spark of mischief in his elven friend's eyes but when he blinked, it was gone.  
  
Legolas brought them inside the palace (managing not to let his parents see that they had visitors least his parents should pretend they were normal). They were walking through the halls when a very pretty elven woman walked by. Aragorn and Gimli saw something that they never *EVER* thought Legolas would do. He 'accidentally' had his bow lift the back of her skirt. "AI"!!!" screamed the elven "chick". "Oh, m'lady, pardon me. It was an accident..." SMACK!!! A large, red, hand-shaped mark began to form on Legolas" face but it could hardly be seen for he was blushing furiously. The elf woman stormed off muttering about perverted elves.  
  
"Legolas!" gaped Aragorn, "I never thought you would do that..." Legolas smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his head nervously while blushing but smiling, "Ah, yes well... err... I... I try to contain myself when away from home..." Gimli laughed. He never thought Legolas was that sick. "That's not all master dwarf." laughed one of the guards. "He also has some *very* interesting pictures of the Lady Galadriel in the shower-" He could not finish for Legolas had brought his fist down hard on the guard's head. Gimli frowned at this news, "Legolas! I cannot believe you would ever do something so foul as to take pictures of a married woman in the nude!" Legolas smiled, "I'll give you a few if you don't tell my father..." "Done!" said Gimli immediately and smiled at the thought of erotic pictures of the lady who stole his heart.  
  
Legolas rushed into his room, very quickly after he opened the door and caught a bucket that fell from above the doorway. "My own little security..." he smirked. "A bucket of water?" said a disbelieving Aragorn. There had to be more to it. Sure enough, Legolas next caught a match that was falling to the ground and he blew it out. "Actually, it is kerosene." He said as he placed the bucket above the doorway after the other two entered.  
  
There was an enclosed area of stone, forming a hallow square around the doorway. "It is designed to keep the kerosene and the fire in that small area. Everyone in the palace knows by now not to come in. Not after Cu and Pilin' tried to enter in the middle of the night. Mom almost killed me... They were fine though. Never walked into the flames, it did scare them a little though..."  
  
"Elf, that's all very interesting, but where are those pictures?" Gimli asked earnestly. Legolas smirked, "Here you go you warg..." he handed him a few pictures that were bound in some parchment. "Take your pick." laughed Legolas at the site of Gimli's face. Gimli was visibly drooling (not to mention having a huge nosebleed*) at the pictures he saw. Aragorn was still in disbelief. "How do you plan to keep *me* quiet Legolas?" asked Aragorn, half joking, half afraid. "Oh, I'm not worried about *you* Aragorn. I have enough dirt on you for a thousand years of black mail." Legolas said as he grinned. Gimli finally picked the three pictures he liked best and (reluctantly) gave the rest back to Legolas who returned them to their hiding place (which had a password none one had heard).  
  
"I suppose you two are hungry? I *know* Gimli is but not for food..." smirked Legolas. Both Gimli's and Aragorn's mouths dropped open in surprise. Aragorn was the first to recover his voice, "That's it Legolas. I am *NEVER* trusting you around Arwen again!" Legolas shrugged, "Been there, done that." He then sprang from the room like a startled deer with Aragorn hot on his heals. (The booby trap was reset by Gimli who did not wish to be pranked by Legolas" brothers.) Gimli silently wondered how many other girls had fallen victim to his lecherous friend.  
  
OK!!! Again, I know it was a bit short but I am now suffering from writer's block (curses in Spanish, German, Russian, English and Elvish...). So that would mean suggestions for story ideas will be more welcome than ever (although they are always welcome). Try and tell me some wacky thing *your* families do or a weird thing you know someone else does. That's all folks so, Good Fight, Good Night! (Hey wait, that's not my line..." 


	4. Chapter 4: Is There ANYONE Sane Here? An...

Disclaimer: I never had owned Tolkien's stuff, I do not own Tolkien's stuff and I never will own Tolkien's stuff. That's all. Please remember to discard all trash in the designated receptacles, I luv ya'll buh bye! Oh and big thanks to Nightbird*Songbird for reviewing and I did use some of your ideas. Thanks a bunch!!!  
  
Chapter 4: Is There "ANYONE" Sane Here? And Two New Uses For Honey!  
  
The next morning, Aragorn and Gimli woke up to a scream form their elven companion. "YAHHHHH!!!! I"LL KILL THOSE TWO!!!!" Legolas hollered as he threw his pillow away. "They put head lice in my pillow!!! THEY ARE DEAD!!!" Legolas stormed out of the door and into his brothers' room. He nimbly dodged their traps and grabbed them both by the ears. Aragorn and Gimli watched in horror through a window as Legolas dragged his brothers into the forest with a large jar, a wooden pole and some rope. Then, they heard a huge scream from the twins and a few minutes later, Legolas emerged from the forest wiping something off of his hands with a rag.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!! Where are they!?!?!?" shouted Thranduil. "You better not have done anything too bad to them." Legolas smirked, "Don't worry, they'll be easy to find, just follow the screams..." Sure enough, no sooner did Legolas say that did they all hear the two twins screaming bloody murder. Thranduil ran into the woods and out of sigh. A few minutes later, he was help two honey covered elflings whose clothes were in tatters.  
  
As soon as someone else began to take care of the twins, Thranduil ran after Legolas like a bat out of hell. "LEGOLAS GREENLEAF!!! I DON"T BELIEVE YOU!!! LEAVING YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS OUT THERE FOR THE SPIDERS AND COVERED IN HONEY!!! I"M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!" Legolas nimbly dodged a well aimed kick to the arse. Legolas than dropped something out of a small bag he was carrying. Thranduil tripped on the marbles and fell on his ass. When he tried to get up he fell back down, this time on his face.  
  
Legolas cackled evilly as he ran back into the palace. Aragorn and Gimli stared at Legolas as he walked in. "What are you two looking at?" Legolas cocked his head as he asked. "You left your brothers in the forest to be eaten by spiders?" asked a flabbergasted Aragorn. "Ah, well, ya... Umm... I knew they'd be fine... sorta... Uh... Breakfast is ready; I'll see you two down stairs." Legolas finished quickly before dashing downstairs. After he left Gimli looked at Aragorn. "Aragorn? I'm beginning to think we're the only sane beings in the house.  
  
At breakfast, oddly enough, everyone seemed to have forgotten Legolas leaving the twins outside to be eaten. It was short and uneventful save for someone switching the sugar with the salt. Aragorn and Gimli were still waiting for some other extreme act of insanity; however, their fears of food flying or some other atrocity was unfounded.  
  
That is, until the battle for the shower began...  
  
LEGOLAS!! IT"S MINE FIRST!!! YOU ALWAYS GO FIRST!!!" screeched Lindor. "We'll see about that..." cackled Legolas evilly. She, Legolas and the other elves wanting the royal bathroom first dashed form the table. Legolas, being the one who does the most traveling, was also the most fit. He went into his room first but came out immediately with a towel, that same jar he had earlier and a lot of rope. "Why the rope elf?" Gimli asked, now almost afraid of his friend. "Watch and learn my friend..." Legolas tied the rope to each doorknob and then fled to the bathroom.  
  
Almost seconds after Legolas entered the bathroom, all of the doors tried to open at once. The rope tightened and kept them all closed. There were three rooms, Thranduil's and Verne's room, Cuts and Pilin's room and Lindor's room. Various curses could be heard behind each door as their owners struggled with their current plight.  
  
About an hour later, Legolas emerged from the bathroom with his towel on. He got into normal clothes in his room and then, used one of his long knives to cut the rope. All three of the doors opened at once and all five elves ran for the bathroom at once. Lindor made it in first. "Come," whispered Legolas, "Before she realizes I switched the shampoo with honey... Her scream shall be so loud; they will hear it in Rohan..." Sure enough, when the three friends were outside five minutes later, a shrill scream that anyone could have mistaken for a Nazgul cam from inside the palace. "LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!! I"M AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!! I CAN"T BELIEVE YOU SWITCHED THE SHAMPOO AGAIN!!!!!"  
  
Legolas smiled, "Wait for it..." Then, another, louder scream was heard. Had they been inside, they would have seen Lindor, hanging upside down, by her ankle, 12 feet in the air and trying to keep herself covered with her two younger siblings and parents watching her and attempting not to laugh.  
  
OK ya'll!!! Please review *pouts* I'll cry if you don't... And just because you reviewed before, that doesn't mean you can't do it again. As always, suggestions are always welcome but please keep flames down to and ember. Please tell me if you want to see any more of Legolas" "dirty" side! ;) See ya'll around! 


	5. Chapter 5: Can We Keep It?

GRRRR!!! Folks, I am sooooo sorry that this chapter took so long. The stupid fanfiction.net was down for so long and then it wouldn't let me post and then they turned simple quotation marks into gibberish so for now, I shall replace such things with ". I will replace this chapter as soon as I can upload a document normally. *sigh* Think happy thoughts Elf-Girl, think happy thoughts (comes across a picture of a shirtless Legolas) Ok, that is a VERY happy thought! :D "drool" Disclaimer: Nope, nope, nope. I still don't own it. If you know how I could come to own it (or at least Legolas) please let me know. Until that day when all my dreams come true, I am doing this for the pure pleasure of writing (and getting such nice reviews). Chow ya'll! ;)  
  
Chapter 5: "Can We Keep It?"  
  
As odd as it seemed to Aragorn and Gimli, once again, the pranks of the previous hour was completely forgotten. Gimli was beginning to think that they had hit each other on the head so much that they all had short term memory problems. One thing was very odd now though, the twins were not there and they seemed to eat more by themselves then everyone else at the entire table combined. However, they showed up after 15 minutes. They were sweating, dirty and their clothes were a mess. Thranduil cocked his head when they entered. "Where have you two been?" he asked. "Uhhh... No where..." Said Cu. His twin joined in, "Yeah, no where at all. Oh ya dad? A rope an inch thick could hold a warg, right?"  
  
Aragorn and Gimli almost chocked at this. "Maybe for five minutes..." All the color from the twin's faces drained at this news from their father. "Why?" Thranduil added when he realized what they said. "Uhhh... No reason..." they stammered but they were interrupted by a loud crashing sound that sounded a lot like a warg was knocking stuff over in their room. "Uhhh... Gotta go!" the twins said in unison before they dashed out. "I better follow them..." said Legolas as though it were normal for it to be this obvious that the twins were trying to keep a warg in their room. "I will go with you." said Thranduil, just as coolly. Aragorn and Gimli decided to go too.  
  
They went into the twin's room and Gimli and Aragorn were horrified upon seeing it. It seemed to be (by all appearances) a dragon's den but without the riches. There were a few weapons here and there, not to mention a few things the twins obviously used for their pranks as well as a few of Gandalf's fireworks (undoubtedly taken without the wizard's consent). However, worst of all, there was a huge warg in the middle of the room with a makeshift muzzle. The twins were currently attaching a chain to its collar. They turned around. "Hi dad... He followed us home..." Cu began before Pilin' took over, "His name is Fluffy, can we keep him?"  
  
Had the warg not been there, Aragorn would have laughed but obviously, "Fluffy" was present so he decided to shut up, certain that Thranduil would set things relatively strait. He was wrong. "Ask your mother but it is fine with me. Just take care of it and make sure it does not eat anyone." Aragorn's and Gimli's mouths must have dropped 16 inches. The twins, however, were elated. "YES!!!"  
  
When they group came back down, Aragorn and Gimli were still gaping, Legolas was still muttering under his breath what an "Inbred Idiot" his father was, Thranduil was still being stupid and the twins were still doing their little dance they came up with when they were allowed to keep Fluffy. When they got to the table, Aragorn finally found his voice. "L-Legolas? Your father just let your brothers keep a pet warg that they have christened Fluffy..." Legolas sighed, "Yes, I am perfectly aware of what happened upstairs and it will catch up to father too after he has had his morning coffee. Until then, he is an idiot."  
  
Gimli asked his question next, "Legolas, you called your father an 'Inbred Idiot'... I was just wondering, what does that make you?" Legolas glared at him but obviously decided not to do anything about it during the present time. Or at least, that was what they all thought... That is, until Gimli left the table (a good five minutes after Legolas did. Gimli shall soon learn to NEVER leave a room after Legolas if he has a grudge on you) and after he went out into the hallways. Gimli suddenly realized that the floor had been greased and he then heard a sound behind him... He turned around to see what it was only to have his face bashed in by a lead pipe on a string.  
  
As if this were not enough, Gimli practically flew down the greased hallways until his body smashed through a window and landed outside in some stick brown gooey stuff that turned out to be molasses. When he tried to enter back into the palace, a bunch of feathers and hay fell upon him making him look very much like some swamp monster with feathers. Even when he finally got in, somehow, Legolas had rigged a torch of some kind above the door and set fire to Gimli's head. Gimli did not notice until he passed the hallway mirror. He screamed bloody murder and ran for the hallways bathroom. That was his next mistake.  
  
Gimli tried to turn on the water in the sink only to learn that the pipes had been tampered with and would not work, so he looked drastically to the "John". If any of you had seen Home Alone II, then you know very well what happened next. He did a handstand on the bowl and slowly stuck his flaming head into a toilet filled with kerosene. The explosion could been seen from outside and Gimli came out of the bathroom smelling something like a glazed ham that had gone through a sewage treatment plant yet he looked like an orc.  
  
Legolas, Cu, and Pilin were doubled over with laughter (Legolas had employed the help of his two brothers). Aragorn was laughing too. That is, until he slipped on the grease in the hallways and made a quick, unwanted and unexpected exit out the broken window.  
  
OK! How was it? I know it was a way too short given I had such a long period of time but still... PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, REVIEW!!!!!!! I NEED MORE IDEAS!!!! (Damn writer's block) Until next time, THAT"S ALL FOLKS!!!!! 


	6. Chapter 6: Lindor's Revenge

Disclaimer: I OWN IT!!!! THAT"S RIGHT!!! I STOLE IT!!!! ARR!!! I"M A PIRATE!!!! LOVE ME ORLANDO!!!!! PLEASE!!!! *sigh* ok, I don't own it. I'm just a little nuts over seeing Orlando in POTC. I don't own any of this stuff save the characters I created. I just write these things because I like writing and plus some of you people seem to think it "A breech of humans rights" if I do not complete this. (Cries while smiling and blows nose) Oh God!!! THANK YOU ALL!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE IN YOUR REVIEWS!!!  
  
Chapter 6: Lindor's Revenge  
  
"LEGOLAS GREENLEAF!!!! How many times do we have to tell you? Do not send guests through a window, open or closed?" Thranduil said seriously as though Legolas did that all the time. "Yes sir. Whatever sir. Right sir." Were basically his typical answers. Aragorn and Gimli both went to take showers (they checked to make sure the bathrooms were not booby trapped and that there was no honey in places it shouldn't be). After they got dressed, they went to see if Legolas was ok. Aragorn had thought that Thranduil was a good king but now he was beginning to question his sanity (gee, just now Aragorn? Little slow on the uptake there). Thranduil was still lecturing Legolas but now the topic had something to do with hitting people with shovels.  
  
"DAD!!!! COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!?!?!?! I"M TRYING TO READ HERE!!!!" Lindor screeched from the other side of the room. Thranduil glowered at her, "Ha! You mean so you can keep drooling at that letter you got from that Elladan guy!" Lindor glared back and began to retort (sometimes her voice getting unusually high), "It's Elohir, father! Not Elladan!!! How many times do I have to tell you!?!?!? Elohir is the hottest elf in all of Rivendell! I should consider myself lucky that he likes having me as a girlfriend, especially when my father is the only elven king without a ring of power!"  
  
Thranduil glared at her, "Oh yeah? We'll *here's* what I think of that!" He threw some of the goo Legolas greased the floor with at the letter. Lindor went hysterical, "NOOOOOO!!! Now slime will crawl all over his wonderful letter!" Thranduil laughed at her, "Ha! You're almost as bad as those idiot girls that chase you're older brother around!!!!" Verne" thought this was quite enough, "Thranduil..." Thranduil (who was pretty sure he was safe as long as he didn't insult his wife) said, "Yes dea-" he didn't get to finish as Verne" broke a chair on his head. "DON"T YOU DARE LAUGH AT YOUR DAUGHTER!!! YOU SHOULD CONSIDER US LUCKY THAT SHE LIKES SOMEONE OF ROYAL BIRTH!!! IF YOU EVER READ (assuming you can read) YOU WOULD NOW IT"S A ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS TO GET ROYAL GIRLS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ROYAL BOYS!!!!!"  
  
Legolas ushered Aragorn and Gimli out of the room and out of the palace. "I'm sorry you guys had to witness that. Uh oh!" He looked back at the palace where screams were issuing from. They then saw Thranduil dash out of the building dodging various items. Legolas sighed, "Stand by for furniture." Sure enough, no sooner had he said that did a chair fly out of the door, narrowly missing Thranduil. A large table followed the matching chair. "Legolas? Is your mother throwing that stuff?" Aragorn asked warily. Legolas shrugged, "Maybe, or it could be Lindor, or both."  
  
Lindor soon came out with her usual hatchet. "FATHER!!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Legolas smiled evilly as he went behind a bush. Aragorn and Gimli followed. Legolas motioned for them to be quiet. "I know this one is a bit primitive but it's effective..." he pointed to a picture of Elohir without much on (it was a candid photo that Elladan had taken). Legolas went on to explain, "I was saving that to black mail Elohir but I think this will prove to be quite a perk of owning such a picture.. There is a pit underneath that picture and a string is tied to the photograph." he then pointed to Lindor who was still looking for Thranduil.  
  
It didn't take long for Lindor to notice the picture, "Huh? WOW!!! A PICTURE OF ELOHIR!?!?!? YAY!!!! OOOOO AND HE HARDLY HAS ANYTHING ON!!!!" She ran over to pick it up but stopped in the last minute. She thought, "Wait, whoever dropped this must have gone through so much trouble to get this and may be a bigger fan of Elohir than I am. I have the real one anyway... And if I take it, she'll be crushed. I- I have to leave it here..." she thought sadly as she walked away. When she was out of sight Legolas stood strait up, bending the stick he had been hold a bit too hard. "Grrrrr... HOW DID THAT BACKWARDS TRAMP FIGURE OUT MY BRILLIANT TRAP!?!?!?" "SMACK" The stick broke and half of it smacked Legolas on the face. "OWW!!! #&"#$ @"$ "@!"$!!!" Scream the angered prince.  
  
Back at the palace (Legolas was still holding a bag of ice to the side of his face) Lindor and the twins were in another fight. "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU TWO LET THAT "THING" EAT SOME OF MY BEST CLOTHES!!!!!" "THAT "THING" HAS A NAME AND IT"S FLUFFY!!!" Cu retorted. It soon developed into a brawl. Lindor thought to herself, "ugh, they're good at fighting. I hate fighting these kids... Hey wait! They're kids..." she smiled evilly as an evil plan began to form in her mind.  
  
"Any last words Lindor?" Pilin" asked. Lindor smiled, "Hey look guys! I found some lollipops!!!" Both twins loved sugar, "OH!!! Goody goody!!" but when they tried to take it, Lindor hit them with a, mallet. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I knew it!!! No matter how good fighters you two are you're still just kids and everyone knows kids like candy!" Cu and Pilin" glared at her. "grrrrr... Well we won't fall for anything like that again!" they said. Lindor piped up again, "Oh look, chocolate!!!" Both twins fell for it again, "Oh!!! GIMMIE GIMMIE!!!" And it went on and on like that for a few hours before Lindor decided to stop so that the twins wouldn't get brain damage (if they didn't already have it).  
  
OK!!! *yawn* I'm done for the night. YIKES!!! 3:00 am? Ok, please review so that this lost sleeping time is not gone in vain (Pipes plays in the background. I hold my hat over my heart as my sleeping time is lowered into its grave) Anyway!! REVIEW PLEASE!!! 


	7. Chapter 7: Cu and Pilin's Revenge and Ga...

Disclaimer: Ohhhhhh. Do I hafta say it? It hurts too much!!!!! Oh fine, I don't own the Lord of the Rings, Thranduil or any other of Tolkien's characters. Yes, that includes. LEGOLAS!!!! WAAHHHHHH!!!! There, happy you big meanie? I said it. *pouts*  
  
Elf-Girl: Hi!!!!!!!! Thank you to all who reviewed! I love ya'll!! Oh, by the way, any of you ever wonder what happened to all those clothes Cu and Pilin' stole from Lindor in Chapter 2? Well you find out what happened to them in THIS chapter!!! Oh guess what? I'm not a cat girl anymore!!! (Does her odd little rain dance thing)  
  
Gloriollass: I don't think they know what you're talking about. Never mind, it's probably better that way, but if you are curious for some odd reason, she explains it in the last chapter of her other comedy fan fic, The Middle Earth You Didn't See (Lucky You).  
  
Elf-Girl: You sound like a damned commercial, do you know that? But enough of that, ON TO CHAPTER 7!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 7: Cu and Pilin's Revenge and Gandalf Makes a Scene  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM GOING TO KILL THOSE TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!" came a shout from the bathroom Legolas was currently occupying. Cu and Pilin' look up from their breakfast, "Uhhh. gotta go!!!" they said in unison (as usual). Aragorn and Gimli went to their friend's aide. When they finally got to his room, it became obvious why he had screamed. All the soaking Legolas had on was a towel and all of his clothes had been replaced with Lindor's stolen dresses. "Aragorn! Gimli!!! You have to find out where those two hell spawn hid my clothes!!!!"  
  
Aragorn and Gimli tried not to laugh at the notion of Legolas in one of his sister's dresses. "WHAT IS SO FUNNY!?!?!?" Legolas yelled. "Well elf, at least your brothers know what color would bring out your eyes." Gimli snickered while holding up a blood red dress. Legolas looked daggers at the dwarf, "If you so much as think that again master dwarf, they will fail to find even you shadow." The tone in Legolas' voice was so malicious that it left no doubt in either Gimli's or Aragorn's minds that he would complete his threat. "All right Legolas give us a moment," began Aragorn. "I am sure you're brothers probably concealed your clothes somewhere in that demolished region they call their room." Legolas nodded before they left and he went back to hopelessly looking for his clothes.  
  
Back downstairs, an unexpected visitor arrived. Ya, you guessed it, GANDALF!!! He found Thranduil in the throne room being strangled by Verne' (as usual). Her shrill lecture, echoed throughout the palace. "AND NOW YOU LET THEM PRANK YOUR OLDEST SON AND THE HIGH PRINCE OF MIRKWOOD!!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF THRANDUIL OROPHERION?!?!?!?!?!?!?" "He may answer better if you allowed him to breathe, Lady Verne'." chuckled Gandalf. Of all the elven homes, this was probably the one he enjoyed visiting the most. Plenty to drink, lots of parties, and of course, entertainment 24/7 (the entertainment being the antics of the household if you can't guess it).  
  
Verne' immediately released Thranduil who mouthed "Thank You" to Gandalf. "Good Day Master Gandalf, what business brings you here?" Gandalf smiled, "Does one need an occasion to visit old friends? I am actually here to speak with the Three Hunters for I have heard that they are here." Thranduil nodded, "LEGOLAS!!! YOU GET DOWN HERE WITH THOSE TWO MORTAL FRIENDS OF YOURS!!!!" Legolas' voice was heard next, "YOU MUST BE JOKING!!!! NOW!?!?!?!?!???" Thranduil shouted back, "YES NOW!!! DON'T MAKE ME DRAG YOU DOWN HERE!!!!!!!"  
  
A few minutes later, Legolas' head was seen around the corner, "Mae Govannen (well met) Gandalf. I'll be just a minute. I have to find Aragorn and Gimli." The head then vanished from the doorway and Legolas' footsteps were heard running away from the throne room. Gandalf chuckled, "So, Cu and Pilin' finally managed to find a way into Legolas' room, yes?" Thranduil and Verne' nodded. "I would also guess they took his clothes, very likely have replaced them with something less desirable and Legolas sent out Aragorn and Gimli to find his original garments. Yes?" Once again, Thranduil and Verne' nodded, beginning to contemplate why Gandalf asked all this stuff if he ALREADY KNEW DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Thranduil just suddenly seemed to notice Gandalf (I think someone has been hit/ choked too many times). "Hey wait, I remember you. Who are you again?" Thranduil asked. (Everyone seat-dropped) Gandalf made a very, very, very, odd face. "Grrrrr. GANDALF!!! MY NAME IS GANDALF!!!!!" Thranduil smiled sheepishly, "Oh yeah, that's right, Gandlaf! What brings you here?" Gandalf looked like he wanted very much to hit Thranduil, "Inbred ingrate." growled the pissy wizard. "GUARDS!! START A FIRE WITH A STAKE!!!" shouted Thranduil. "A JOKE! A JOKE!!! JUST A LITTLE JOKE!!! JUST KIDING LORD THRANDUIL!!!!" Gandalf said quickly.  
  
"ARAGORN!!! GIMLI!!!! PLEASE TELL ME THEY"RE IN THERE!!!" Legolas yelled as he hammered on Cu and Pilin's door. There was a loud yell form the inside and seconds later, two disheveled figures rushed from the room and slammed the door shut. "Guess what Legolas." Aragorn panted. Gimli finished for him, "They had 'Fluffy' guarding your clothes. We still got them though... But it didn't help much when you woke the thing on by pounding on the door." grumbled the dwarf as he handed Legolas is rumpled clothes. "I'm sorry but Gandalf is here and I couldn't go to him like THIS!!!" He indicated to the dress he had halfway on (just enough to cover him from the waist down).  
  
OK!!! I wish I could have made this longer, but I still have writer's block. $%^$#^$^*%(%^#%@#^*@#@%#*^@#$#*#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, this means that reviews that have ideas will be greatly appreciated. Gloriollass: Oh boy. Tonight is the New Moon. You're gonna be that cat-girl thing.. AGAIN!!! Elf-Girl: It ain't MY fault. Please folks, just review. PLEASE!?!?! I need new ideas!!! *pouts* I'll be nice if you do... 


	8. Chapter 8: Legolas' Revenge

Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own them; I just mess with their lives, minds, and their sanity. That's all, really!!! Oh and one more thing, part of this was inspired by the O My Goddess movie which I do not own. Oh, and one more thing, this chapter is a bit AU I think. Aragorn is still single as is Eowyn and Arwen.  
  
elf girl: It's ok, even if you are the one I'm mad at (which I highly doubt anyway) because as long as I review, all is forgiven!! I LOVE REVIEWS!!!! *hint hint* You wanted more, here's more!!!  
  
Nirobie: Yeop, I still have writer's block but it is subsiding!!! Thanks for telling your friends! I do like getting reviews! They're fun!!! I luv ya'll!!!  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: You guys are some of my best reviewers!!! YOU ARE DA BEST!!! You guys can say just about anything you want in your reviews! Maybe I'll get more ideas!!! OK I luv ya buh byeeee!!! ;)  
  
feanen: You think Gandalf oughta get a prank? Hmmmm, interesting thought. maybe it's time to pull out some of the twins' fireworks. Then again, it's time for Legolas to have some more fun. Chemical warfare is always good. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Chapter 8: Legolas' Revenge. (MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)  
  
Gandalf found the Three Hunter's in the main hall. Gimli was watching as Legolas was sitting at a table, holding something that looks liked Tarot cards with Aragorn sitting across from the elf. He listened in as they seemed to not notice him. They seemed to be doing something.  
  
"Come on Legolas, even though you don't act it, you're an elf! Can you tell me which girl I should marry? I'm torn between Arwen and Eowyn!!!" Legolas grinned while shuffling the cards, "Fine, but you must go with whatever I say, got it?" Aragorn nodded. "Good, now first, you must tell me what you want in your wife." Aragorn smiled dreamily, "I want a woman that's red hot! I want her to be able to set my body and soul aflame! And I want her to see to my burning heart's desire!" Legolas smiled, "That should be enough, let's see what the cards say!" Legolas threw up the cards and caught several in mid-air. He revealed the cards and they read.  
  
"L-I-G-H-T-E-R. A LIGHTER!?!?!? LEGOLAS!! YOU MUST BE JOKING!!!!!" shouted Aragorn who now had a lighter. Until it set his hair on fire. "YAAAHHHH!!! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!! TOO HOT!!!! TOO HOT!!!!!!" Gimli threw a bucket of water on the burning human who skulked back over to Legolas. "Not pleased I take it?" Legolas said as he smiled evilly. Aragorn reached across the table and grabbed Legolas by the front of his tunic, "THAT WASN'T FUNNY LEGOLAS!!!! COME ON NOW!!!"  
  
"Alright, shall we try again?" Legolas smiled even wider. Aragorn seemed to regained some of his pride, "Yes but I think I'll change my partiality. I want someone kind and sweet. Someone who will share saccharine love with me." Legolas smiled, "Let's top there shall we? Here we GO!!!" he exclaimed as he threw the cards up again and caught them again. He held them up and this time they read.  
  
"HONEY!?!?!? WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND HONEY LEGOLAS?!?!?!" shouted Aragorn who was now in a giant jar of honey. Legolas smiled, "You would have a sweet future with this one." Aragorn sulked, "I don't think your predictions are authentic." Legolas smiled even more, "Ok, I'll stop joking around! This time I'll give you the real deal!" Aragorn pouted, "You mean you were kidding with me this whole time?" Legolas waved the remark off, "However, you must listen to this one and accept it as your fate!" Aragorn (being the trusting fool he is) nodded eagerly.  
  
"Alright then!!! But I take it you change you're preferences for the lady?" Aragorn nodded, "This time I want someone caring that will help me out and will make me feel warm on the inside!" Legolas smiled and then began to chant in elvish and some type of magic caused to cards to float and fly in circles around the elven prince. Legolas stop abruptly and some of the cards came down and stuck in the table top. "A TEA KETTLE!?!?!?!" Aragorn shouted. Legolas smirked and shook his finger at the human, "You said you'd go with whatever I said!!!"  
  
Gandalf laughed, letting his presence know, "So Legolas, is this another scheme to get Arwen and Eowyn?" Legolas's face blanched but Aragorn's became bright red with anger. "YOU WERE WHAT!?!?!" Legolas bolted with the human right behind him. Gandalf put a paralyzing spell on the two, "Now before you two kill each other, I must have a very important conversation with the three of you." They looked at him but then his serious face went blank, "Dang it... I forgot what it was!!!" The three friends sweat- dropped. Gandalf was saved when they heard the lunch bell. Legolas turned pale again and bolted out mumbling something about 'wasting too much time.'  
  
Just as Gimli and Aragorn were about to enter the dining hall, Legolas caught up with them. "Guys, I just wanted to tell you, don't eat the soup." Gimli looked puzzled, "Why? Is it not of quality?" Legolas shook his head, "No it's the chef's specialty, but you will regret it if you eat it, trust me." They agreed and entered.  
  
Gimli and Aragorn found themselves wondering why Legolas told them not to eat the soup. All but the three hunters were eating it. Lunch was uneventful until everyone got a very odd look on their faces, save Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn. Then, they all made a mad dash, for the nearest bathroom. Legolas smirked as he dropped a now empty bottle of ex-lax (a substance that, err. causes people to 'go' a lot to be simple). Various curses directed at Legolas were heard in all of the bathrooms of the palace.  
  
OK, I'm done for now, I'm going to be gone fore two weeks, starting Sunday but maybe if you review a lot, I MIGHT be able to get a new chapter up before I leave. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	9. Chapter 9: Drinks, Arwen and Arwen's Old...

Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own them, I just mess with their lives, minds, and their sanity. That's all, really!!! Oh and another little note, I don't own Hooters nor do I know much about the activities of the place having never been to one. I have just gotten the idea the it certainly is not a family restaurant.  
  
elf girl: It's ok, even if you are the one I'm mad at (which I highly doubt anyway) because as long as you review, all is forgiven!! I LOVE REVIEWS!!!! *hint hint* You wanted more, here's more!!! And thanks for the bow and arrows!!!  
  
Nirobie: Yeop, I still have writer's block but it is subsiding!!! Thanks for telling your friends! I do like getting reviews! They're fun!!! I luv ya'll!!!  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: You guys are some of my best reviewers!!! YOU ARE DA BEST!!!  
  
Laswen: Thanks, I got the idea from a shortie from an Oh My Goddess movie. Thank you, review again!!  
  
Lamoo: Yeop, ALL FEAR LEGOLAS!!!! I do love Cu and Pilin' so much, and I made them look like mini Legolases so, just think about it. Two more unbelievably cute hotties, AND I OWN THEM!!! I dunno where I got the honey idea from. I guess it's just my mind being weird. And 'Fluffy' I think was inspired by the first Harry Potter. Thank you for the compliments! I hope you like this new chapter too!!!  
  
Feanen: Short but sweet. Always nice. Thank you for reviewing!!!  
  
Gilraen3: Yes, I know, I loved the Legolas in a dress thing too. Especially because his top half wasn't covered. ^^  
  
Chapter 9: Drinks, Arwen and Arwen's Past Job  
  
The next morning, Thranduil did not show up for breakfast. Aragorn was worried that the king was missing but Legolas just sighed. "Alright, I'm sure I know where he is." He led them deep into the tunnels of the woodland realm, into the cellars of the palace. It was filled with all sorts of drinks and provisions, not to mention one very drunk Thranduil. Legolas smiled and shook his head, "I thought so." He picked up he father and dragged him by the scruff of his shirt over to two barrels. One with hot water, one with cold and thus, began dunking his father's head in each one randomly until Thranduil snapped out of it.  
  
"Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!!!! That's enough Legolas! I'm awake!!!" Legolas smiled mockingly, "Father, how could you forget the rule of the house? Never drink shot drinks out of the bottle?" Thranduil looked indignant and said, "You're the reason we came up with that rule!!!" Legolas became silent and blushed. Gimli and Aragorn snickered.  
  
They all went upstairs, Thranduil falling flat on his face every so often, until they reached the main hall, coming face to face with a seething Verne' who looked at Thranduil coldly. She growled, "Bed empty, worried all night, no note, no comfort, NO NOTHING!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING THRANDUIL!?!?!? I WAS WORRIED SICK!!!" she went on ranting and raving like that so Legolas and his friends left poor Thranduil (who was still suffering from a hangover) to the wrath of his wife. Legolas shook his head sadly, "Hell hath no fury like scorned she-elf." As if it were a summoning, an all too familiar form entered. Nope, not Lindor, but...  
  
"ARWEN!!!" Aragorn shouted and ran over to his lover to embrace her, at least, that was until she slapped him across the face. "You know, Aragorn. I heard the most interesting rumor of a man who looks just like you with another woman in Rohan."  
  
Aragorn visibly paled. "A-A-Arwen. I turned her down!!! You're the only one for me!!!! You know that!!!"  
  
Gimli snorted, "That's why you almost married a tea kettle when asking Legolas advice on which one of you two to marry?" Aragorn made a motion to strangle Gimli but Arwen reached Aragorn first.  
  
"Of all the low down, scum bags in the world you, Aragorn, YOU HAVE TOPPED THEM ALL!!!" she shrieked. She then remembered who was also a scoundrel in this conspiracy against her (yeah. she's a bit paranoid.), "Legolas." She dropped Aragorn and started towards Legolas. "YOU PUT HIM UP TO THAT!!! DIDN'T YOU, YOU LITTLE PERV!?!?!?"  
  
Legolas held out his hands, "Hey, THAT was NOT my fault!!!" She still did not relent so he began to back away from her, "Don't do it Arwen, or I'll tell them!!"  
  
Arwen nearly fainted, "No. You wouldn't. YOU PROMISED!!!"  
  
Legolas cackled evilly, "I promised not to tell your father!!! You fiancé has a right to know!!!"  
  
Arwen shook her head and began to beg, "NO!!! PLEASE, LEGOLAS!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!! JUST DON'T TELL HIM!!!"  
  
Aragorn cocked his head, "What is it?"  
  
Legolas grinned, "Well, she used to have a very interesting job."  
  
Arwen went to Aragorn, "Please, don't listen Aragorn!!"  
  
Legolas, "At HOOTERS!!!"  
  
Both Aragorn and Arwen nearly fainted yet alas, there was more.  
  
"As a striper. Every Friday night at midnight." Legolas finished.  
  
Arwen fainted. Gimli was laughing until he thought of something. "Hey, Legolas. How do you know all that?" Aragorn looked up at Legolas with anger etched all over his face. "Legolas." Legolas gulped and ran out of the room, followed closely by an angry Aragorn.  
  
OK!! That's it for today folks!! Sorry I took forever and sorry that this was so short, methinks that the writer's block came back with a vengeance. I gotta go now folks, cya around and please remember to review!!! 


	10. Chapter 10: Legolas Baby Sits

Disclaimer: I do not own it. I have a boyfriend (Yay, go me! ^^) some ramen noodles, and a crazy puppy, but no Lord of the Rings nor do I own The Adventures of Mini-Goddess. (My puppy's name *is* Legolas though. ^_~)  
  
HealerAriel: Yeop, guilty as charged! I am an anime fan. Actually, this one chapter is bases on The Adventures of Mini-Goddess: The Belldandy Files. Do you like anime too? Yeah, Legolas has also been based (slightly) and a character from an anime show. Miroku from Inuyasha! For all those who are not familiar with that show, Miroku is a pervy, Buddhist priest. But I luv 'em both all the same (but Legolas more because he is oh so hot!!!) I rock? Thanks, no one has ever said that about me before. Diabolically insane, yes, rocks, nuh uh. Enjoy! ^_~  
  
Laswen: Nope, Elrond doesn't have a clue about Arwen's old job. More pranks you say? Sorry, not many pranks this chapter but I hope their antic are funny all the same. ^^  
  
Gilraen3: Yeop, Arwen was desperate for spare cash, and Legolas. Erm. Well. Legolas is a boy so we have to forgive him, don't we? ^_~  
  
SivanShemesh: O_O Beautiful writing? My, I'm flattered. No one has ever said that about my writing. THANK YOU!!!! ^^  
  
Nirobie: YAY!!! I love having fans!!! I'm glad I have cheered you up some. Trust me, I know how you feel with the mom on your back thing. Everyday it's, "TERRI!!! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OFF THAT COMPUTER!!!" *sigh* sometimes parents just don't understand.  
  
Shanya: Really? The funniest you've ever read? YAY!!! That's great! I'm glad you like my writing! I hope a can keep meeting your expectations!  
  
feanen: Thanks, I'm glad you like it.  
  
JenniferG: I'm glad you like my story. ^^ I know I'm going to sound kinda cheesy when I say this but, in all truth, it's your reviews (all of my reviewers reviews that is) that gives me motivation to write! *crickets chirp* ^_^;; Yeop, thought so. ON TO THE FIC!!!!!  
  
Chapter 10: Legolas Baby-Sits  
  
"NO!!! You guys can't do this to me!!!" Legolas shouted at the retreating forms of Legolas' parents.  
  
"Sorry Legolas, but we have decided that Mithrandir is right, your mother and I need some time to ourselves and save our marriage while I still have enough brain cells to comprehend what the word vacation means." Thranduil said with a surprising amount of intelligence.  
  
"That's fine, but why do I have to take care of Cu and Pilin'? Doesn't Lindor usually do that?" Legolas dismayed.  
  
"Legolas, she always does the work around here. Take some responsibility for once!" Verne' scolded before slamming the door. Unfortunately, the gate landed on Thranduil's foot.  
  
Legolas sighed and went to find his brothers, otherwise known as, the spawns of Sauron. At least Aragorn and Gimli were still asleep but what cause mortals to sleep for so long was a mystery to Legolas. He went up to their door and knocked, "Cu! Pilin'! Come on out here!" When he didn't get an answer, he opened the door. Fluffy had been removed and tied up in another room in the dungeons so in all appearances, the room was empty. Legolas could still sense his brothers though. "Come on guys, I won't bite you know!"  
  
"So, you're not going to hurt us?" came Pilin's voice from somewhere in the room.  
  
Legolas smiled, "No, I'm not gonna hurt you."  
  
Cu spoke, "You wouldn't lie to us just because mom and dad aren't here, would you?"  
  
Legolas forced a smiled, "No, of course not."  
  
"Cross your heart?" asked Pilin'.  
  
Legolas' eye was starting to twitch, "Yes, cross my heart."  
  
"Cross your heart and hope to die?" chanced Pilin'.  
  
"WOULD YOU TWO GET OVER HERE BEFORE I SMACK YOU!?!?" Legolas yelled. The twins ran over. "That's better. Alright, what does Lindor usually do with you two?"  
  
"She usually plays a game with us." Pilin' declared.  
  
"Alright then, what do you two want to play then?"  
  
"KICK THE CAN!" shouted Cu.  
  
"NO! POKER!" yelled Pilin'.  
  
". Poker? Can you two agree on one game?" Legolas asked. He was dismayed when the two shook their heads. "Alright then, I have a solution." He ran into his room and walked over to Aragorn's sleeping form ad kicked the ranger in the side.  
  
"OUCH!!! LEGOLAS!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" shouted a disgruntled Aragorn.  
  
"Mom and dad forced me to watch the twins and I need your help." Legolas said.  
  
Five minutes later, Aragorn and Legolas were downstairs. "Alright, let's go!" Legolas said, hoping this was the end to their problem. It wasn't for both he and Aragorn walked over to Pilin' and his deck of cards. "Aragorn? Don't you think we should split up?" Legolas asked.  
  
"But I want to play poker." Aragorn pouted. Legolas smacked himself on the forehead.  
  
A few minutes later, in one of the cellars of Mirkwood palace, Cu and Pilin' were on a huge barrel of wine. "Don't you think Legolas is going to get mad at us?" asked Cu.  
  
"No way, this is too much fun to be bad!" Pilin shouted with joy.  
  
"GET OFF OF THAT YOU TWO MORONS!" Legolas shouted as he began to chase them.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!! KEEP AWAY FROM LEGOLAS!!! HE'S IT!!!" shouted Cu as he and his brother went into full reverse on the barrel. Legolas still chased them but in vain.  
  
Legolas stopped when he was out of air. "Damn. Those. Two. Aren't. They. Ever. Tired.?" Legolas panted as he almost collapsed.  
  
"Don't worry Legolas, here we'll give you another chance to catch us, here we come!" Pilin' exclaimed. Legolas gave a yell and began to run from the barrel only to be run over by the immense beverage container.  
  
"I am never going to baby-sit ever again." Legolas moaned. Then he got an idea.  
  
In the kitchen, Legolas mixed a few things together that he had taken from Gandalf's bag (without the wizard's consent). "Ah ha! There we go!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"What's that?" Pilin' asked innocently.  
  
"It's a pill that will make you and Cu do what I tell you to!" Legolas grinned, until Cu (on his other side) grabbed the two pills and threw them into Legolas' mouth who, unfortunately for him, swallowed them both. Legolas blanched, "Oh no."  
  
"Weeeeeee!!! Throw us higher Legolas!!!" Cu exclaimed as Legolas threw him and his twin up and down. Legolas did so.  
  
A few hours later, Legolas was more tired than he had ever been in his life. "Dammit. I'm so tired. Huh?" he looked up out the window as he heard thunder. "Oh, a lightening storm." he mused. He heard to yelps and then both his brothers ran over to him a clutched him. "Oh, so, you two aren't little monsters after all, you're just kids!"  
  
"Legolas! Promise it won't get us!" Cu cried.  
  
"Don't worry, nothing it going to get you two while I'm here." Legolas said reassuringly.  
  
"Promise?" Pilin' said, wide eyed with fear.  
  
Legolas smiled, "I'm the prince, you're going to have to take my word on that."  
  
"Promise nothing bad is going to happen?" Pilin' asked again, determined to get an answer.  
  
Legolas conceded. "Alright, I promise."  
  
"Promise you wont get mad?" Cu asked. Legolas gulp. "Getting mad counts as something bad." Cu finished as his brother pointed to the giant barrel of wine that they were playing with earlier which was now broken with wine all over the floor. Legolas almost cried out until Cu looked up at him, "You promised you would get mad!" Cu laughed.  
  
After Legolas finished cleaning up all the wine, he went over to the twins, "Alright you two, it's time to take a nap."  
  
"Awww, Legolas." Cu whined.  
  
"We don't wanna take a nap yet!" Pilin' finished.  
  
Legolas smiled, "If you don't sleep you don't grow, and you don't want to be short forever do you?" The two shook their heads. "Alright then, let's get you two upstairs!" Cu stopped him.  
  
"But you have to tell us a story, alright?  
  
"Alright, fine, you win!" Legolas groaned.  
  
Aragorn had finally gotten up and had helped Legolas set up the two for bed. Legolas told them their favorite story (which happened to be The Hobbit) but before Legolas had finished the story, Cu and Pilin' were fast asleep. "They don't look half as evil as the normally do when asleep do they Aragorn?" No answer. "Aragorn?" Legolas looked over and saw Aragorn asleep. "That's not a bad idea." Legolas mused as he nodded off.  
  
After an hour, both Aragorn and Legolas were snoring loudly. Cu and Pilin' were standing up and watching the two sleep. "They snore so loud, I couldn't sleep." Cu whined. Pilin' nodded in agreement.  
  
Finally, by the time Legolas and Aragorn had woken up, one of the guards came to relieve the prince from his duties.  
  
OK, ya, I know. It wasn't very funny. I'M SORRY!!! *bows head in shame* I promise to do better next time. Really, there will be accidental love, crazy Lindor and lot's of Legolas choking Aragorn! PLEASE REVIEW!!! CLICK THE LITTLE BUTTON!!!! 


	11. Chapter 11: Aragorn Has Proposal Problem...

Disclaimer: Ai', what do you people not understand about, "I do not own Tolkien's works"? It seems pretty simple to me. So, be nice! Oh and again, I based this chapter's plot on The Adventures of Mini-Goddess.  
  
Arwen1481: Hi! I'm glad you like my story! I hope this chapter is better after that shame of a chapter ten! *bows head in shame for the last chapter*  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: Lol, I'm glad I have reviewers as good as you guys. And who *doesn't* love mutli-person reviews.  
  
Mysti: Yeop, I decided that I had to point out that no matter how evil Cu and Pilin' are at times, they're still cute little kids. After all, how bad can they be? They *are* related to Legolas after all. *looks back at chapter 3* Ok, never mind, they're all evil (but hot/cute) elves.  
  
HealerAriel: You like Miroku too? I thought I was the only one! All my friends make fun of me because he's lecherous. But that's scary, how did you know I was going to have Legolas say Miroku's pickup-line? Who knows when though? ~_~ (shifty eyes)  
  
Chapter 11: Aragorn Has Proposal Problems  
  
Legolas had just fallen asleep, when he felt someone walk up to him and kick him in the side. It was Aragorn. "Dammit Aragorn! What was that about?" Legolas moaned.  
  
"I need your help Legolas. I'm going to do it." Aragorn whispered.  
  
"Huh? Do what? Speak plainly!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"I'm going to ask Arwen to. marry me." Aragorn blushed with his final words.  
  
Legolas smiled, "Congratulations. But, what's the problem?"  
  
"I want to ask her but, I don't know how to. You have to help me Legolas!" Aragorn pleaded.  
  
Legolas frowned, "Let me get this strait, you come in here, kick me, tell me of a problem that if I help, I get nothing in return, and you still expect me to help?" Aragorn nodded. Legolas sighed, "Fine, let's go ask Lindor for some help. Forcing people to be joined for life against their will and/or their better judgment is more of her thing than mine."  
  
"No way Legolas! I am not helping you and your friend mess up Arwen's life!" Lindor shouted.  
  
"Oh shut up you sod! Arwen loves Aragorn too! He just wants a little bit of insurance! Can't you give him that?" Legolas barked. "Come on! You wouldn't want Elohir to find out about a few embarrassing facts about you, would you?" he finished with a sly smile.  
  
Lindor blanched, "Y-y-you wouldn't!"  
  
Legolas grinned even more, "Ah, I have your attention now eh? I don't know. Elohir probably should know about you hitting on his father."  
  
"OK!! I'LL HELP!!! JUST DON'T TELL HIM THAT!!!!" Lindor screeched. She went into her drawer and pulled out a rose. She walked over to Aragorn and handed it to him. "Alright, just give this to her after saying the magical incantation and she is guaranteed to say 'yes' and she'll be a caring, compassionate, hard working and virtuous wife! The incantation is, 'Red rose, passion rose, rose of true love!' Make sure you get it right human."  
  
Aragorn nodded and began reciting the words under his breath. Legolas turned to Lindor and smiled, "Thanks sister."  
  
"Oh shut up." Lindor grumbled. "We better watch just to make sure that he doesn't screw this up."  
  
Legolas nodded in agreement. Aragorn wasn't normally stupid, but given the circumstances. 'Then again', he thought, 'Scratch that, he is a moron. He's going to screw this up some how. I can feel it."  
  
Five hours later, Aragorn was in one of the gardens trying to make sure he got the lines right. "Rose of love, rose of lust- No! Caring? AHHH!!!! MARRY ME ARWEN!!!" he shouted in dismay.  
  
Legolas and Lindor were watching in a nearby tree. Legolas shook his head, "He's a nice guy, but sometimes I wonder how safe Gondor is in his hands." When he looked down he sighed, "Oh no, he forgot the stupid rose."  
  
Lindor's head snapped in that direction, "What? Without the rose, the spell won't work! I'll go give it to him." She jumped down, out of the tree.  
  
Legolas looked up, "Hurry Lindor, here comes Arwen." Lindor ran over while Aragorn began whispering the words.  
  
"Arwen! I have something I need to ask you... Hold on a second. Red rose, passion rose, rose of true love... Arwen, my beloved," He began with Lindor mere yards away, "Will you consent," Lindor got the rose in his hand, "To marry me?" Lindor became quite limp, the rose still in hand. She looked up with a face Legolas had never seen on her before.  
  
"Aragorn. Yes my beloved, of course I'll marry you!" It was just what Aragorn wanted to hear, however, he did not want to hear it come out of Lindor's mouth.  
  
Aragorn paled, " L-L-Lindor? What are you doing here?" He stuttered as she embraced him with a soft and caring look on her face.  
  
Arwen was on the brink of tears, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" she cried as she ran off.  
  
"NOOO!!! ARWEN!!! COME BACK!!!!!!" Aragorn shouted. He probably would have chased after if Lindor had not clamped onto his leg.  
  
Legolas almost fell out of the tree. "What!?!? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?"  
  
A week later, Legolas and Gimli went to visit the two in a little house just outside the palace. "I still can't believe it. My sister and my best friend." Legolas moaned.  
  
"Come now Legolas, you and Aragorn were always as close as brothers. Now you really are brothers!" Gimli said reassuringly. When he saw no improvement he added. "Now Arwen is free." Legolas smiled instantly as they came upon the household where Aragorn was sitting quite comfortably in the living room.  
  
"Hey! Legolas! Gimli! Govannen! *Welcome!* Lindor, honey? Could you bring something for our guests?"  
  
"Of course darling!" came Lindor's voice from the kitchen.  
  
"Honey!? Darling?!?!" Legolas whispered to Gimli irritably. Gimli stepped on the elf's foot to keep Legolas from killing Aragorn.  
  
Lindor came in with an apron on and a usually content face. The only other time Legolas had seen her so happy, she was drunk. She gave them each a cup of tea and then returned to the kitchen. Gimli and Legolas frowned, "No ale? No wine?" they thought at the same time but they took their cups gratefully only to find that the tea was extremely bitter.  
  
Aragorn merely smiled, "Yes, I know it's a tad bitter, but she tries. I have to say Legolas, your sister isn't half bad, ever since we started living together a week ago, she's been nothing but helpful!" Legolas thought he was going to vomit.  
  
Gimli leaned over to Legolas, "This isn't quite how I pictured it given your sister's personality."  
  
*Gimli's Thoughts*  
  
Lindor in a big room with an extravagant dress on. "Hey! Aragorn! Some tea!" Aragorn ran over dressed like a waiter giving her tea. "And the sugar!" she ordered.  
  
Lindor in a spa like room. "Give me a massage."  
  
In a modest living room. "I'm hungry. Where's dinner?" Aragorn in an apron, "In a minute dear!" Lindor (again) "And my bath."  
  
*End Gimli's thought*  
  
Legolas cocked his head, "That wasn't very accurate. The rooms didn't even match."  
  
Gimli gave Legolas a dirty look, "That's how thoughts work. They don't have to make sense."  
  
Legolas smiled until he realized something Aragorn had said earlier. "Wait... You said a week? It's been a week already?" Legolas inquired. Aragorn nodded and Legolas paled. "Gimli and I should go now. Good day Aragorn." Legolas got up and then muttered, "And good luck, you're going to need it." Legolas grabbed Gimli and literally dragged the dwarf out of there.  
  
When they were outside, Gimli finally was freed from Legolas grip. "What was that about elf?!?!"  
  
Legolas look afraid, "That rose will die any second now, and then the spell will be broken and Lindor shall return to her normal self. In short, it isn't going to be a very pretty picture."  
  
"What isn't going to be a pretty picture?" said Arwen as she came upon the two. She had long since been told that the incident with rose was an accident and the rose was meant for her. However, that just caused Arwen to plot revenge against Legolas too in addition to Aragorn and Lindor.  
  
"That rose is about to wear off... Lindor isn't going to be very happy when she founds out that she played housewife the past week." Legolas explained.  
  
One of the guards came over. (For those of you who have read my story, you know him quite well, Calenrunya!) "Oh no. Don't tell me you and Lindor tried out that lasted rose trick did you? That's even worse than your normal pick-up line." Cal laughed.  
  
Gimli smiled, "Oh really? What is it?"  
  
Before Legolas could stop him, Cal said, "He always asks every elf maid he meets if she would bear his children!"  
  
Legolas blushed, Gimli's mouth dropped and Arwen pouted, "All but one."  
  
Legolas heard this and took Arwen by the hand, "Lady Arwen, I was just wondering if you would consent to bear-" he was interrupted by Arwen breaking a stick on his head.  
  
"Spare me." Arwen said curtly.  
  
Legolas was about to respond when they heard something far off.  
  
Aragorn smiled as his friends left and went back inside. He didn't notice the now brown rose.  
  
Lindor was in the kitchen, making soup. She stopped suddenly as the spell wore off. She blinked a few times and looked around confused. "Huh? Where am I?" She looked at the soup ladle in her hand, "Huh? What am I doing with this? I can't cook."  
  
"Lindor, dear?" Aragorn called from the other room. Lindor growled when she heard him say that. She stomped off into the living room.  
  
Aragorn smiled blissfully, "Hey Lindor there you are! Is my bath ready yet? I wanted you to wash my back honey!"  
  
Lindor suddenly turned venomous, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HONEY?!?! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?!?!"  
  
From then on until about five in the morning, Aragorn's beating could be heard all throughout Mirkwood. One of the guards sighed, "Those celebrity marriages never last."  
  
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*sob* Ok, I know that wasn't very funny, *bows head in shame* but I have big plans for the next chapter! But what it is, you won't find out until you review!!! Luckily for you guys, the teachers here are on strike so I can update a lot. Don't even think about calling me lucky though; think about next summer when I'm in class into July!!! *shudders in fear* Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	12. Chapter 12: Middle Earth Is Not Ready Fo...

Disclaimer: No, don't own the characters or really the plot this time. It was just my idea to mix the two! So, I don't own Tolkien's stuff or The Adventures of Mini-Goddess.  
  
Cestari: Hi! I'm glad you like it. ^-^ I hope you like this too!  
  
Tourignyne: Hiya! Good news, we won't be in school until July. Bad news, they have taken almost all of our vacations during the year. T_T But still. Beautiful? O_o;; Ok. Never had my work called that before but at least it isn't a bad thing. Please review again!!! ^-^  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: NO!!! Don't shoo off of the review page! Long reviews are muy bueno!!! Speaking of Spanish, I have learned something verrrry interesting.. "Chinga" means the same thing that I believe you have censored with "fork". ^-^ Thanks you the review!!!  
  
Gilraen3: Thank you, thank you very much. But I was inspired but several anime shows so I cant take all the credit. Ok, I could, but it wouldn't be fair. Oh well, we all have our inspirations right? Hope you like this!!!  
  
Laswen: More arguments? Hmmmm, let's see. There will be a few but I will keep it in mind to have the Greenleaf family have a few 'aggressive negotiations'. ^_~  
  
MaxMyu: You've seen Dragon Half too?!? I must bow in honor to another anime fan. *does little anime bow* ^^ I loved that show. pity they only ever made that one tape in English. T_T Or so I've been told. See ya!!!  
  
MoonMist: Thranduil and mid life crisis. Hmmm. I would do it. if only I had a better idea what happens in that. ^_^;; I've heard of it but that's the extent of my knowledge of that. I'll look into it! Buh byeeee!!!  
  
Feanen: If you think *that* was interesting then this should be.. Ummmmm. MEGA INTERESTING!!! . Ok so I couldn't find a more extravagant way to put it. So sue me.. NO NOT REALLY!!! PUT THE LAWYERS AWAY!!! I NEED WHAT LITTLE MONEY I HAVE FOR CAR INSURANCE!!!  
  
HealerAriel: I know; Sango hasn't a clue what she's missing! Of course, the fact that one day his own wind tunnel with devoured him is a bit of a turn off. Poor baby. *pouts* Ok, that's it for responses!!! ONTO THE FIC!!!  
  
Chapter 12: Middle Earth Is Not Ready For Air Conditioners  
  
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhg." Gimli moaned. "How can it be this hot inside a cave?"  
  
"If it weren't so hot. I'd kill you for daring to call my home a cave." panted Legolas on his bed. "Dammit. This isn't fair. Elves aren't supposed to be this sensitive to the weather."  
  
Aragorn probably would have replied if he was not too busy sticking his head in a barrel of water in attempts to cool off in the lukewarm water.  
  
This was the scene Gandalf walked in to. "So, hot weather getting to the elves now, eh?"  
  
"Shut up Gandalf." the Three Hunters said at once.  
  
"Very well. I guess this means you don't want my help then." Gandalf said while beginning to walk out of the room until Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn ran forward.  
  
"You can stop this heat!?!?" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"No, not stop it. But I can cool things down a bit. But just in this room. And you shall have to pay a small little price for it." Gandalf said.  
  
"FINE! WHATEVER!! JUST DO IT!! IT'S HOTTER THEN DRAGON'S BREATH IN HERE!!!" Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn yelled.  
  
Gandalf smiled. His plan for revenge was working perfectly. 'Maybe now they'll think twice before tampering with my food.' "Very well." He hit his staff to the ground and the three friends blacked out.  
  
Legolas was the first to wake up again. "Uhhh... Damn that's hurts... But at least it's cooler now. Huh? What's that noise?" He looked up to see a strange box in his window emitting a strange sound. It took him another three seconds to realize that his room now had snow all over it. Not to mention he was only about six inches tall.  
  
Aragorn and Gimli were awakened by a loud scream. Aragorn looked around, "What is it!?! WHA-!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!" he yelled as he saw their predicament. Gimli was too baffled for words.  
  
Legolas sighed, "It looks like the only thing we can do is go up there and stop that thing. It's the source of this cold." They then began their trek up to the Air Conditioner of Doom!!!  
  
'That was three days ago.' Aragorn thought. 'We have run out of food and water and the troops' morale has become thin.' He didn't notice an annoyed Legolas burying Gimli in the snow and then sitting on him. "We must break camp! Onward!!!" Aragorn shouted over the blizzard.  
  
"Aragorn? How come even though it's my land, house and room, *you're* the one in charge?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Because you're crazy." Aragorn answered. Legolas resisted the temptation to strangle the ranger but got Gimli out of the snow instead.  
  
They climbed up one of Legolas dressers and came to the edge. their destination, the bookcase.  
  
"Great... How are we supposed to cross this?!?!" Gimli shouted over the howl of the evil futuristic device.  
  
Legolas looked around. "Ah ha!!!" he shouted as he grabbed a ruler. He laid it across the span. "We cross this!!!"  
  
Aragorn and Gimli could have killed him as they looked down. It seemed to be a bottomless pit even though it was actually only a few feet. For the next thing, they would have killed him for being a show-off; that is if that thing wasn't him running across his makeshift bridge.  
  
Legolas turned around to his friends and waved, oblivious to his friends' anger. "Come on guys! It's easy! You're next Gimli!!!"  
  
Gimli's eyes could have popped out of his skull, "YOU'RE KIDDING!?!?! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICE THE GIGANTIC ABYSS BELOW!?!?!?" he hollered at the elf.  
  
"Come on Gimli, you'll be fine! Don't look down, just look at me and you'll be fine!" Legolas shouted reassuringly.  
  
"I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU!!!" Gimli shouted.  
  
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ELVES AND OUR LOOKS AGAIN!?!?!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'M COMING ACROSS!!!" Gimli yelled back.  
  
"YOU'RE COMING ACROSS LOUD AND CLEAR NOW GET YOU'RE ASS OVER HERE!!!" Legolas barked.  
  
Gimli sighed and turned to Aragorn, "I wish he'd stop putting words in my mouth." he turned to Legolas, "OK SHUT UP HERE I COME!!!" he finished before darting across the ruler and knocked over Legolas, hugging him out of a 'brief' moment of insanity. "I AM NEVER EVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?!? DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!!!"  
  
Legolas just stared at him before kicking the dwarf off, "GET OFF OF ME!!! THIS LOOKS DISGUSTING!!!!" Unfortunately, Gimli knocked into the bridge which Aragorn was trying to cross. Legolas lunged forward and grabbed his friend's hand but then, both the elf and human began to fall; until Legolas grabbed Gimli's beard.  
  
"Thanks Gimli" Aragorn and Legolas said together.  
  
"GET OFF THE BEARD!!!" Gimli screeched in a most un-dwarfish manner.  
  
Aragorn watched as the ruler tumbled to the ground below. 'If you ask most mountain climbers why they insist going on these perilous journeys, they shall answer, 'because the mountain is there.' but I can tell you the reason we continue this trek, risking life, limb, and worse. It's because Gandalf's cursed Air Conditioner of Doom is up there!'  
  
Aragorn looked back upon his wearied troops. "Come on, we climb!" And so, they began to climb up Legolas' bookshelf.  
  
"Damn you elves and your books." Gimli growled.  
  
Legolas was about to tell him to shut up when something caught his eye. "Hey, my journal! I wondered what happened to this!"  
  
"We don't have time for this! We're almost at the top!" Aragorn shouted. Then, an exceptionally hard gust of wind nearly knocked them all off.  
  
Legolas glared at this new foe that dared to defile his bedroom, "THE AIR CONDITIONER IS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE AND LAUGHING!!!" Gimli looked at his elven friend, beginning to reconsider the elf's sanity.  
  
Aragorn joined to lunacy, "WE ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!!! IT'S A MATTER OF HONOR!!"  
  
Gimli couldn't believe this, "HAVE YOU BOTH GONE MAD!?!? IT'S AN INAIMATE OBJECT!!!" His cry fell upon deaf ears. They continued until they reached the edge.  
  
"THIS IS AS CLOSE AS WE'RE GOING TO GET!!! LEGOLAS, GET THE BOMB READY!!!" Aragorn hollered over the wind.  
  
"THE ELF HAS A BOMB!?!?!?!" Gimli cried.  
  
Legolas smirked, "I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE!!! ARAGORN AND I PILFIRED IT WHEN WE KICKED SARUMAN OUT OF ORTHANC!!!" He lit the small bomb but just before he threw it, the air conditioner switched its aim on them and the bomb blew out of even Legolas' deft hands. "NOOO!!! CURSE YOU, YOU SPAWN OF MORDOR!!!" Legolas shouted at the house hold appliance before throwing a dagger at it.  
  
This only enraged the machine even more (AN: If any of you are wondering why the air conditioner has feelings, it's because IT IS THE EVIL AIR CONDITIONER OF DOOM!!! SPAWNED FROM GANDALF'S RAGE AND ESIRE FOR REVENGE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) and it began to blow even harder, until it blew Gimli off the edge.  
  
"GIMLI!!!" Legolas shouted, trying to grab the dwarf's hand, but missing it be mere inches. Gimli kept falling until they could no longer see the dwarf through the blizzard.  
  
Aragorn bowed his head in respect, "Gimli has fallen prey to the mountain. It is the risk we all took. His assistance helped us get this far. He shall be missed greatly."  
  
Legolas also bowed his head, "Thank you Gimli."  
  
Aragorn and Legolas looked down when they heard gasps and then saw Gimli scrambling up the cliff with a nail in each hand. "YOU TWO WERE GOING TO LEAVE ME BEHIND!!! DAMN THAT STUPID BOX GANDALF MADE!!!" he yelled as he threw one of the nails at the thing.  
  
That was the final straw.  
  
A bunch of snake-like cords came out and began shooting out blue beams, freezing whatever they hit.  
  
"JUMP!!!" Aragorn shouted when the cords took aim at them.  
  
They all screamed as they plummeted to the ground but the snow broke their fall.  
  
"Ugh. That's not fun." Legolas moaned. They looked up to see the air conditioner taking one final aim at them.  
  
"IT'S BEEN AN HONOR WORKING WITH YOU TWO!!! MAY THE VALAR PERMIT US TP MEET AGAIN IN THE NEXT LIFE!!!" Aragorn yelled as he prepared for the end. Legolas and Gimli also prepared for death. Until Gimli accidentally tripped over the electric cord, killing the evil device.  
  
".. I think it's over." Legolas chanced. They looked up. There terror was indeed over.  
  
The Three Hunters were cheering over their latest victory when Gandalf walked in.  
  
"Ah, so, you defeated my air conditioner eh?" Gandalf smiled as he returned them to their normal sizes.  
  
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli feigned smiles as they readied their weapons behind them.  
  
Meanwhile, in the dining hall.  
  
Lindor took another sip of her wine, "Hey, Pilin', Cu! Guess what! Mother and father are returning tomorrow, and he's bringing Elrond and his son's with him. Including. *sigh Elohir." she said in complete ecstasy. Pilin' and Cu were about to make a remark when they heard a loud, girlish scream from Legolas' room.  
  
"Oh dear, it sounds like Legolas is entertaining another lady. it figures.. I wonder where his friends are." Lindor sighed.  
  
Cu shook his head, "That was no girl, no matter how much it sounded like one."  
  
Pilin' continued, "It sounds like Legolas and those two mortal friends of his finally turned off Gandalf's evil ice thingy."  
  
"Is that where they have been? I wonder who screamed?" Lindor asked. She was answered when they saw Gandalf running faster than any man his age should with three very angry hunters behind him.  
  
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Oh. I thought that was going to turn out better. Oh well, what do you guys think? That's what is important. But this was a lot of fun to write. And next up, Thranduil returns and he and Elrond fight!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! REVIEW PLEASE!!! 


	13. Chapter 13: Elrond and Thranduil Start T...

Disclaimer: What do you think has changed between the last time I updated and now? It'd be a miracle if I had purchased the Lord of the Rings between now and then but unfortunately, I haven't so just... BE NICE!!!  
  
Cestari: I'm glad that you liked it! Hahaha, you should have seen the Min- Goddess thing with the air-conditioner! It was great! I hope you review again!  
  
Rose Darkfire: Ummmmm... What wine trick? ^_^;; Sorry, I have a bad memory. I'm glad you liked the story so far. I might have something like that happen. ^^ Review again!  
  
Gin: Hiya Gin! Thanks for reviewing Sorry about your report card. But no AC of Doom for you. Aren't your penguins enough for you vengeance upon the world?  
  
Tourignyne: Hiya! Sorry for the late update, for that, I present to you, the AC of Doom!!! ^^ By the way, I just took a test on emode.com, they said my heart is blacker than Darth Vader's helmet and that next time I should think before pushing the little old lady down the escalator... ^_^;;  
  
Gilraen3: Do you *really* want to know what they did to Gandalf? Come on, take a guess. They had their weapons and they were very POed at the time... ^_^ Thank you, come again!  
  
Legolas's Fanatical Fan Girl: THANK YOU!!! I'm sorry your comp is being stupid. I am afraid I am very much like you in that I am bad at updating frequently. I blame the stupid amounts of work I get at school. I think next time I talk to you, it'll be sending you my latest chapter of To Hell and Back. Cya!!!  
  
Nirobie: Alas, I think my case of writer's block is chronic... -_- Not fun. Oh well, I seem to be doing ok even with it. Cya and thanks for the review!!!  
  
Elven Kitten: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! You don't have to worry, only fear air conditioners made by Gandalf or little goddess named Skuld... Cya!!! ^^  
  
Strider Evenstar: I'm glad you like my story! Here's a new update!!! ^^  
  
Symian: Lol! Sorry about your little brother problem! I just have an older brother but my cousins are evil... Pure evil... ~_~ *shifty eyes* Thank you for your review, and come again!  
  
Mascara Freak: YAY!!! I'd like to kidnap Orli! Ok! One update for one Orli! ^^ May I have a price check on Johnny Depp? I need a present for one of my best friends and she likes him.  
  
Feanen: ^^ Thank you! For the very good and amusing review!  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: O_O OK, OK, OK!!!! Here's a new update! Just keep the straitjackets away from me!!! And Lileth, evil shall not prevail. INSANITY AND THE ARMY OF RENGUINS SHALL!!! ^^  
  
Laswen: Yeop, this should prove to be very interesting... ^^ Review again!  
  
OK, that's it for reviews! ONTO THE STORY!!!!  
  
Chapter 13: Elrond and Thranduil Start To Go Through Mid-Life Crisis  
  
After several hours of the most horrible torture imaginable, Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli finally let Gandalf climb down the tree he had escaped up. They were all currently in the dining hall (Gandalf was in the corner tending to his wounds while the others ate). Cu spoke up, "Lindor?  
  
"Yes?" replied an annoyed Lindor who was trying to put on some lipstick while Legolas was waiting for her to discover that he had soaked it in hot sauce.  
  
"When are mom and dad coming back?" Pilin' finished.  
  
Lindor brought the lipstick away from her lips for the thousandth time that morning and Legolas felt as though he could have screamed. "When they feel like it..." She brought her lipstick up again as Legolas watched when the twins struck again.  
  
"What if they don't come back?" Cu asked. Lindor brought the lipstick away from her lips again, causing Legolas to curse silently under his breath.  
  
"Then Legolas is king." Lindor responded coolly.  
  
"Oh... Then is he our dad then?" Pilin' asked.  
  
Legolas almost choked. Lindor replied, "No. That just means he has the power to throw you two in the dungeons..."  
  
Pilin' and Cu looked at each other worriedly. "Can we revolt then?"  
  
Lindor finally just put away the lipstick causing Legolas to feel a sudden urge to rip out his hair. "No, you can't. OK? Mom and dad will come back."  
  
As if to prove Lindor's precision, Thranduil and Verde entered the room followed by Elrond, Elladan and Elohir. Lindor jumped out of her seat and practically tackled Elohir. "ELOHIR!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! I GOT YOUR LETTER!!! DID YOU GET MY RESPONSE?" Lindor practically shouted in Elohir's ear.  
  
Elohir tried standing up with Lindor clutching his torso but fell down again. Legolas sighs and ushers Aragorn and Gimli out while Elladan, Elrond and Thranduil try to pry Lindor off of Elohir and Verde is off in search for a crowbar.  
  
When they finally got outside Legolas began cursing over the fact Lindor didn't put on the lipstick he rigged...  
  
"She sucks she sucks she sucks she sucks she sucks..." Legolas grumbled under his breath. Aragorn decided to try and get his elven friend into better spirits. He couldn't think of anything good so he just shoved the elf off a small cliff and into the lake.  
  
Legolas wasn't about to go in alone so he grabbed Aragorn's leg and they both fell in. Gimli looked down as the two companions fell into the lake with their clothes on. Legolas surfaced first and when Aragorn came up, Legolas made a good point to dunk the already drenched human.  
  
"That was a brilliant one human! At least now you smell better..." Legolas said dryly but he was then rewarded by a dunking via Aragorn. Before either of them knew it, they were in a dunking/splashing contest which was climaxed and ended by Gimli jumping in and causing a small tidal wave.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn laughed as they shielded themselves from the watery blast but ceased when they noticed Gimli wasn't coming back up...  
  
*Five Minutes Later*  
  
"GIMLI! What were you thinking jumping into the lake with all of your armor on? You could have drowned!" Legolas scolded.  
  
Gimli frowned, "I never take it off! You should know that by now!"  
  
"Is *that* why our boat almost sank when we left Lothlorien?" Legolas taunted. "I though you had just eaten too much lembas!"  
  
Thranduil and Elrond watched the two begin to argue while Elohir and Elladan began talking to Aragorn.  
  
Thranduil sighed, "Ai', youth is wasted on the young..." Elrond nodded, "When we were their age, we were in Mordor, fighting in the Last Alliance..."  
  
"You know, I haven't done much this past age." Thranduil mused, "I've gone and wasted about 3,000 years..."  
  
Elrond nodded solemnly, "I know, it's horrible. And now we're leaving..."  
  
Thranduil sadly agreed in silence, until he got a terrible, awful idea...  
  
"You know Elrond... It might be a good thing we're leaving now..."  
  
Elrond remembered that tone in his friend and began wondering if he should begin running because when ever Thranduil got one of his ideas... Well... To put it simply, if Gil-Galad wasn't dead now, Elrond would still be grounded for the last stunt he and Thranduil pulled.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Legolas smirked as Gimli attempted to get the upper hand in a duel against Aragorn. The dwarf was horrible with a sword. Legolas decided to help Gimli out when the dwarf hit a dead tree trunk with his blade. At least, he was going to until a loud explosion was heard from the palace... Followed by the light of many fireworks...  
  
************************************************************************  
  
OK, not good so far, but I had to rush because my mom is on one of her "You spend too much time on the comp" rampages. It's not true, I spend most of my time at the mall, at work, at school, and at grandma's. I only spend most of m home time on the comp! ^_^;; Ummmmm... Please review to make me feel better? And some ideas for Elrond's and Thranduil's mid-life crisis? 


	14. Chapter 14: Evil Diamond

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own The Lord of the Rings or the Adventures of Mini- Goddess. I would do just about anything to own either or both of them......  
  
Dimgwrthien Sirithcirithion: Whoa... Did I get your pen name right? It's long... And difficult... And I cannot spell... ^_^;; I'm glad you like my work. Thanks for putting me on your favorite author's list. It makes me feel like my efforts are all worth while. ^^ Yeop those to are gonna go nuts! I'm gonna try the works on them. Tattoos, hair dying and some other stuff I won't tell yet! ^_- Review again! *hugs reviewer*  
  
Elven Kitten: Gosh, I'm sorry. I've been really busy with my other stories and school work. *hugs reviewer while begging for forgiveness* High school is tough. By the way, does it freak you out too that my school *thought* to have a rule against giving your enemies lollipops with crickets in them? It was such a good plan too. I was going to dip it in chocolate like a fondue and sneak it in her bag... T_T Oh well... I hope this will be good to!  
  
Rose Darkfire: Hahaha, maybe I should have done that when my mom hit mid life. One day she just says, "Hey Matt (my brother), Terri (me ^^). You want to go for a little ride with me?" ... We started in Philadelphia PA and ended up in Ohio... ^_^;; I already figured tattoos and the dying their hair. Didn't think of piercings though. Great idea, thanks! ^^ *hugs back* ^_-  
  
Cherryfaerie: Does Lindor like Elrohir? Hehehehe, just you wait in see. She is BALLISTIC over him. She is to him like *I* am to Orli! ^^ Well, now you know! Hugs for you! *hugs*  
  
Batcat: If I can find some time to, I will, you betcha. ^_- Thanks for putting me on your favorite authors list! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ^^ ... Am I scaring everyone? ^_^;; Oh well, HUGS FOR YOU!!! *hugs Batcat*  
  
Elf: I'm glad you liketh! I'm sorry this isn't soon but well, at least it's here! ^^  
  
Tourignyne: *reads passage about reviewer typing from igloo* O_o Darn... Sorry 'bout that! Would you like the 'Evil Space Heater of Doom' too? Be careful, it might turn your room into the Sahara Desert like it did mine... *smacks away vulture* GO AWAY STUPID BIRD!!! I'M NOT DEAD YET!!! ANYway! I'm, I don't think they have dynamite but I'll see if I can't get my hands on some of that Isengard merchandise! By the way, that test I took was on emode.com. ^^ Good stuff, good stuff. Hugs for you, and the Evil Space Heater of Doom! ^^  
  
Konzen: NO! Never shut up! The longer the review, the better, as long as it isn't a flame! I'm going to keep those in mind. *hugs reviewer* And I'm sure you'll be the first one that Thrandy and Elry give literature to! ^^  
  
Strider Evenstar: C.A.P.P class? Ummmmm... What's that? ^_^;; If you're bored, then obviously, it's no good. *begins planning an elaborate escape plan for Strider Evenstar to break out* the Teacher is reading then? *pokes teacher's eye out with a long, sharp and pointy stick* HA!!! Take that evil doer! ^^ There's my good deed for the day! Update again soon!  
  
Mascara freak: Ok, here's another chapter then for them! Yes, it is a fine art! And very delicate. The slightest miscalculation can ruin everything. Him, Thrandy and Elry kidnap someone...? I KNOW!!! I have a great idea! ^^ It's none of the ones you mentioned though! Have a hug on the house! *hugs mascara freak*  
  
Lainfaer: King T? I like that nickname. I've just been calling him Thrandy! I know, I have so many ideas for To Hell and Back but writing serious fics are a lot harder than writing humor ones. No one really cares if you mess up in a humor fic but a small mistake in a serious fic can get you a flame (yes, I'm still worked up over that one stupid flame). I'll try. 'Need a hug, take a hug, have a hug, give a hug' ^^  
  
Feanen: I like that idea. I'll see what I can do with it. Review again and here's a hug! ^^  
  
RuByMoOn17: REVIEW AGAIN!!! *hug* ^^  
  
OK, I've had many proposals about what Thrandy and Elry should do in midlife crisis. And they are all excellent suggestions, I will try to fit them all in. Oh yeah, one more thing. A lot of the stuff I put in here I *know* could never happen in Tolkien's Middle Earth. Unfortunately for the characters, this version is *my* Middle Earth and it may have a few modern devices. Nothing too high tech though. Now, ONTO THE CHAPTER!!! ^^  
  
Chapter 14: Evil Diamond  
  
Everyone ran into the palace to find it completely flooded and Gandalf VERY PO'ed.  
  
"Who's bright idea was it to shove fifty fireworks down the drain while I WAS IN THE BATHROOM!?!?!?!" Gandalf shouted.  
  
"Don't look at us, we were in the dining hall with atara!" Pilin' said defensively.  
  
"And I was trying to help Elrohir get is 'girlfriend' off of him for a second." Elladan protested when eyes fell on him.  
  
Then, everyone turned to Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli.  
  
Gandalf smiled evilly, I think I know how to deal with these three..."  
  
**************************Scene Change**********************************  
  
"I can't believe Gandalf shrunk us again... We weren't the ones that blew up the plumbing with Gandalf's fireworks..." Legolas sighed as he looked at his own reflection in a glass next to the sink. Then, he perked up in an attentive pose.  
  
"What do you sense Legolas?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Something dark draws near..." Legolas whispered. They then heard a crashing noise. "Gimli! You have no grace at all, do you?" Legolas shouted as his dwarven friend trip and knocked his head into the wall.  
  
"It's not my fault! I can't stop myself!" Gimli shouted.  
  
Legolas noticed a bright glimmer on Gimli's arm and the elf ran forward and grabbed a ring off of Gimli's ar (remember, they're small now).  
  
"Hmmm... Where did you get this diamond ring Gimli?" Legolas asked as he looked over the ring.  
  
"I found it under the couch... But as soon as I picked it up, all those bad things started happening to me!" Gimli cried.  
  
"Oh come on now Gimli! Don't tell me you're superstit-" Legolas couldn't finish as he tripped backwards into the sink and then a tea kettle fell on his head. " ouch..."  
  
Aragorn and Gimli ran to their friend. "Legolas? Are you alright?"  
  
"ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!? I GIANT TEA KETTLE JUST FELL ON- Again, Legolas couldn't finish as a salt shaker fell on top of him.  
  
Legolas scrambled out from under it, and threw the ring away. "That is it! That's the bad energy I was sensing! That's a cursed diamond that brings misfortune to all who own it!"  
  
Gimli shook his head "And I was going to give it to Galadriel..."  
  
"It's a good thing it's cursed then because Lord Celeborn might have taken the wrong way..." Aragorn laughed.  
  
"Aragorn! This is serious! This could have killed Galadriel. It must be disposed of!" Legolas shouted.  
  
Aragorn cocked his head, "How could it kill her?"  
  
"Think about it, it made *me* fall into a sink... Think about her in a high tree..." Legolas let them finish the rest of the gruesome scenario in their heads. "Either way. This must be dealt with!" Legolas then tried chanting a few words in elvish. It appeared to put up a light barrier, one that was quickly broken and blew Legolas back.  
  
Legolas shook his fist at the ring, "You have some nerve standing up the prince of Mirkwood! I'll show you!"  
  
**************************Scene Change**********************************  
  
Elrond and Thranduil gasped for breath and laughed at the same time. "I cannot believe we got away with blowing Gandalf completely out of the bathroom!" Elrond gasped.  
  
"Of course we did! Legolas and his friends do stuff all the time here anyway! Who would ever suspect us two? They thought we grew out of this, years ago!" Thranduil smiled evilly.  
  
"I thought we did too. But his is too much fun!" Elrond returned the evil grin. "Hey, now *I* have an idea!" and they began their next course of action...  
  
**************************Scene Change**********************************  
  
A small black tent was set up in the sink where the ring had fallen. Inside were many lit candles and three figures with black robes.  
  
The one in the middle softly said, "Holy swords..." And the other two on his right and left brought up two identical swords and crossed them so the touched directly over the middle one, who lifted up his hood and revealed himself as, Legolas. He stared at the ring which was now in the center of a star that was surrounded by strange writings and a few circles.  
  
"I command you, on the four great spirits of earth, water, fire and wind. Answer our request. You evil spirit, where the cause of misfortune dwells, you object of loathing from the depths of hell!" The ring began twitching. "Emerge, evil spirit!"  
  
Then. A bold of blue lightening came from no where and hit the ring, and out popped... A black cat...  
  
He stood up on his back legs and walked over to Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn and said, "How do you do? Here, this is my card." He handed them a business card that read, 'National Curse Association. Northern Arda Branch, Sales Department. Black Cat'  
  
He bowed politely, picked up his ring and said, "Forgive my intrusion, have a good day." The Three hunters just stared at him as he left.  
  
**************************Scene Change**********************************  
  
Thranduil cocked his head at the cooks outside the kitchen. "Why are you out here? Where is dinner?"  
  
The cook bowed to his king, "Forgive me sire, but there are three little men performing an exorcism on a ring in the sink. We should wait for them to finish..."  
  
Thranduil made a personal note to have the cooks sent to 'Happy Acres'.  
  
**************************Scene Change**********************************  
  
"Did you get the hot peppers?" Elrond asked when he saw Thranduil re- enter their 'Room of Scheming'.  
  
"No, but I think the cooks have gone mental..." Thranduil said as he shook his head. "But never fear. I have a better idea! Let's take a little trip to Laketown..."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
OK, sorry this was short and junk but I have to go. My mom is on a house cleaning spree and wants everyone to work. Also, I couldn't do a better editing job than a quick spell check for the same reasons, if anyone sees a mistake I missed, tell me and I'll fix it and replace the chapter. OK, I love ya'll buh bye! ^^ Please review! 


	15. Chapter 15: Mt Wall and Punk Stuff and “...

Ai'!!! I'm sooooo sorry. I just realized that I put the new chapter for "To Hell and Back" in here! ^^;; Jeez. That's the second time that happened to me when putting up a chapter for this story! Thank you bobby() for bringing that to my attention. ANYway, here's the *real* chapter for Strange Visitings!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Middle Earth or The Adventures of Mini- Goddess (if I put anything from that in here). But I do own this! *holds up and revs a chainsaw* Say hello to my little friend! GAK! I don't own that line either. XP  
  
Cherryfaerie: Gosh, I spelled your screen name correctly without looking back and forth. ^^ Go me! And what's wrong with strange looks? I'm strange and damned proud of it! You should be too! *pats a very scared looking cherryfaerie on the back* Review again!  
  
Nirobie: Thanks a bunch! I hope I can make this one longer too. That's my main problem. But I also don't want to risk making it too long so it doesn't hold people's attention. Review again!  
  
Tourignyne: LOL! I'm glad to see you liketh your presents(eth). ... I just confused myself. ^^;; Yeah, I remember that result. That's if you aren't logged into the site. If you're not logged in, you get far more basic results. I logged in so I was evil in different categories... (by the way, when I wasn't logged in, I was PURE EVIL!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chokes on candy coated popcorn and performs self Heimlich* HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
SivanShemesh: Thanks! That's really nice of you to say. *hugs SivanShemesh while laughing and crying at the same time* Sorry, I'm feeling rather emotional. Review again!  
  
Nightbird*Songbird: *waves from her cell in Happy Acres* Hey, you guys think you can break me out too? They put me in here for chasing my evil cousins around with a chainsaw while wearing a hockey mask. ^^;; I didn't touch them, honest! I just made them scream a little bit out of fear... Ummmmm, so, can you guys help me break out? ^^;; Oh and Ummmmm, you guys might be glad to hear this... I've been bitten by the slash bug... ^^;;  
  
Sabrina: Thank you! Review again! ^^  
  
Mascara freak: Well, how much I update depends on how long it take for me to get out of the loony bin. You see, I sorta chased my evil cousins around with a chainsaw, while wearing a hockey mask, revving it and laughing like a maniac... I mean, it's not like I hit or cut anyone up with it! But they still think I'm insane... I gotta try to get Depp for my friend because I owe her a b-day and X-Mas present! Can't I get some kinda discount or trade? Please? *big puppy eyes*  
  
Strider Evenstar: No! I like useless babble! It's fun! XD I like "Picture" With Kid Rock and Cheryl Crow... I don't think I spelled some of it right. I should read some other stories, but I've been so busy. T_T Review again!  
  
Elven Kitten: Yeah, I'm also thinking about a smoke detector in the girl's bathroom (damned girls always smoking... You can smell it in the cafeteria!!! It makes me sick!!!) Hannon lle! ^^  
  
Pippin: THANK YOU!!! Sorry but your pen name is LOOONG... And difficult... And I can't spell as it is! *praises whoever thought up of spell check* Yeop, more midgets withy rings! Review again!  
  
SilverKnight7: Here ya go! ^^  
  
Lainfaer: Yeah, flames suck. I can't imagine someone as nice as you getting a flame. Review again! ^^  
  
RuByMoOn17: Yeop, aren't they bad little boys? Wait until you see what they do in *this* chapter! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *pats the Insane you* Good crazy one. JOIN ME IN WORLD DOMINATION!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Batcat: They're gonna be worse in this chapter. ^^  
  
Chapter 15: Mt. Wall and Punk Stuff and "That it is"  
  
Legolas groaned as he looked up at the door knob on his bedroom door. "Great! How are we supposed to get in?" He shouted.  
  
Aragorn shrugged, "We could always go through the window like we used to."  
  
Gimli shuddered and Legolas glared at Aragorn, "You moron! When we were normal size, that was still hundreds of feet up! Think about it in our current state!!!"  
  
Aragorn smiled, "I think it sounds like an adventure to me..."  
  
Gimli gasped, "You're... Not... Serious...... Are you?"  
  
Thranduil and Elrond laughed as they left the tattoo and piercing parlor, each of them sporting various piercings. Elrond had one on his left ear and on his upper right. Thranduil got one on his tongue and his upper left ear.  
  
"I wonder what the Mrs. will say when she finds out where I got the ink done tonight... Where is yours again?" Thranduil asked.  
  
Elrond smirked, "Only Celebrían is going to find that one when I get across the sea to her..."  
  
Thranduil laughed, "Then I do not care to know what you have either! Myself, I have one on the arm, a small one on my stomach and a large one on my back."  
  
Elrond laughed, "You never were afraid of pointy things..."  
  
They laughed again as they walked into a bar with the intention of getting wasted.  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE DOING THIS!!! YOU TWO MUST BE INSANE!!!" Gimli shouted, suspended by a rope over 200 feet in the air (imagine how bad it must be since Legolas and Aragorn are about ten inches high each and Gimli is about six).  
  
Legolas smirked, "That we are mellonin! (my friend)"  
  
Gimli glared at Legolas, "Shut up Elf..."  
  
Legolas glared back and shoved Gimli off the wall. Gimli screamed like a girl and grabbed Legolas and dragged the elf with him. Aragorn, who was at the top, strained against Gimli's weight, thanked the Valar that elves were practically weightless.  
  
"DID YOU TWO HAVE TO START FIGHTING WHILE WERE 200 FEET IN THE AIR!?!?!?!?!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Actually, we're right outside the royal guest chamber which is about 234 ft above ground level..." Legolas said.  
  
"I DON'T CARE WHAT THE EXACT HIEGHT IS!!!!" Aragorn screamed.  
  
Legolas looked into the window. "Hey Aragorn! How much longer can you hold on?"  
  
"NOT MUCH LONGER" Aragorn responded.  
  
"Gimli and I are going to start swinging, when I say to, let go and we should be able to land on the bed of the guest room!" Legolas instructed.  
  
"AND WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?!?!?!" Gimli shouted.  
  
"Then we all die which is going to happen anyway if we don't try!" Legolas barked.  
  
Aragorn sighed, "Let's try..."  
  
Legolas and Gimli started swinging from the rope and Aragorn tried his best not to let go of the wall.  
  
Once they had a decent swing going Legolas shouted, "NOW!!!!"  
  
Aragorn released the wall and the three adventurers flew through the window and landed right on the bed. Well, Legolas and Gimli landed on the bed. Aragorn, however, landed in a cup of water next to the bed.  
  
"Hey! We made it!" Legolas shouted. "... Aragorn?" Legolas looked down, "Oops... Gimli, help me drag Aragorn out of there..."  
  
Gimli and Legolas pulled on the rope and dragged a very wet Aragorn out of the cup.  
  
"Well, at least we made it back in!" Legolas chirped.  
  
"I ought to kill you..." Aragorn growled.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
OK, sorry for the shortness and not being very detailed. With exams going on, it's kinda hard to think about this kind of stuff. Oh, and anyone who likes anime, (especially Yu Yu Hakusho and Trigun) one of my friends has a few good stories and she doesn't get too many reviews. Her penname is SuniDaughterofMoro and the stories I suggest in particular are "Why Knives Went Nuts", "The End of Trigun", and "In The Dark" (get your minds out of the gutters people!). I haven't read all of her stories but those I know to be good. Please leave her a nice review. Speaking of reviews, make sure you leave me a review too! I need some more ideas for Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn! ^^ See ya! 


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: no, don't own The Lord of The Rings or Fruits Basket (although I would like to... ^^)  
  
Hi!!!!!!!!!!! O_O (dodges various thrown objects* Hehehe, I'm sorry I was gone for so long... Hehehehehehe, there was too much work in school, in fact, I still have too much work AND I found out one of my best friends might be suicidal and I had to try and help her and get help for her so, yeah, rather stressful so I wasn't really thinkig about fanfiction then. But I have the day off today sooooo, I figured I was overdue for an update. ^^ Here ya go! Please don't hurt me!  
  
M-python-girl: ^^ Thank you come again!  
  
Sab: Thank ye!  
  
Strider Evenstar: Lol, I liked that one myself. I'm glad you did too. I only ever read the manga for Shaman King (and I have A.D.H.D. but eh, close enough) and the full chappie name was "Mt. Wall and Punk Stuff and 'That it is'". ^^ Review again!  
  
Cherryfaerie: ^^ Here ya go! Review again!  
  
Symian: It's ok, as Elbert Hubbard (an author) once said, "Every man is a damn fool for at lest five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit." ^^ Hehehe, I love this book! *holds up a book called Dirty Words of Wisdom: A Treasury of Classic ?*#@! Quotations Edited by Sam Stall and Lou Harry* Some of the quotes in this are rather disgusting but there are some good ones. Just don't let your mom see it if u buy it. I'll read your fics if I can find the time between my biology project, my Spanish project, my English project, my history project, my community service project... *sigh* T_T too much work... Review again...  
  
Tourignyne: O_O Life sized smeagol? I Have a life sized Legolas... ^^  
  
Batcat: I did, believe me, it was an accident. I think ff.net has it out for me... ~_~ *shifty eyes* Review again!  
  
Mascara Freak: ^^ Nah, chainsaw more fun fun fun!!! Hehehe, I have a better idea, broken doors, arguments, and new members of Legolas' warped family!  
  
Elven Kitten: Yes you can, and why u confused? Now I'm confused! @_@  
  
Lainfaer: Yeop, I have piercings, but no tattoos (yet ^^). I like speaking to nice people, therefore, I like speaking to you! ^^ Review again!  
  
Chapter 16: All Problems Solved... Or Are they?  
  
Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli relaxed in a few chairs I one of the palaces many rooms. Gandalf had finally taken pity on the three after the window incident and returned them to normal size. Lindor was sipping tea in another chair while Cu and Pilin' were plotting a new trick on the floor. Aragorn was 'speaking' with Arwen, and the two were taking full advantage of the fact that Elrond was absent.  
  
Legolas groaned, "Can't you two do that somewhere else?"  
  
Arwen glared, "Come now Legolas, you know full well today is Valentine's Day!" (A/N: I KNOW IT ISN'T REALLY VALENTINE'S DAY AND THAT THEY PROBABLY DON'T CELEBRATE IT IN MIDDLE EARTH, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE FIC, IT IS AND THEY DO!!!! NO FLAMING!!!)  
  
A look of pure terror came upon the elven prince's fair face. "It's WHAT!?!?!"  
  
Lindor sighed, "Oh dear... Not again. This is why Legolas left here with the fellowship in the first place..."  
  
Cu also seemed impassive about his brother's fear, "You think he'll be gone for another year and a half?"  
  
Pilin' yawned, "I betcha this time he'll be gone for three..."  
  
Legolas still looked much like a corned animal pacing, "My room? No, she'll find me there... The Forest? No, she's knows it well too... I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!" he shouted as her ran out of the building at top speed.  
  
Aragorn stared, "Is he ok?"  
  
Lindor sighed again, "Look outside the window if you wish to see what terrifies my brother so..."  
  
Sure enough, Legolas was running for the gate like a bat out of Mordor but he skidded to a stop about 50 feet from the gate when he saw a girl at the gate.  
  
She slowly turned around and Aragorn and Gimli saw she was actually quiet beautiful. Surely she wasn't what Legolas was afraid of.  
  
She was.  
  
Legolas paled, "Oh, no... NOT YOU!!!"  
  
"Le-Legolas?" She said softly, with her green eyes wide as saucers and her brown hair falling across her shoulders. "Legolas, my love?"  
  
Legolas gasped, "DAMMIT!!! NO!!!" He turned and ran as fast as he could.  
  
The girl began prancing after him with love in her eyes... at first...  
  
"Legolas..." her melodic voice began. "MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!" All of a sudden, the sweet innocent girl seemed every bit like an elf possessed. She dashed after him and grabbed his arm. "I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she swung Legolas into a tree, breaking the tree and probably Legolas' back. "WHERE DID YOU GO MY LOVE!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE?!?!?!?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!" she screeched as she thorohgly pummeled the elven prince.  
  
Aragorn and Gimli were too horrified to laugh at the fact that Legolas was being beaten up by a girl.  
  
Lindor sighed, "Alas, she does love him... And normally, she is a very sweet girl. However, Kouna has always been a bit... Odd when expressing such emotions as love..."  
  
"Odd?!?!?!?" Aragorn gasped in disbelief.  
  
"Yes... You see, Kouna... Her head is not 'wrapped very tightly'" Lindor began, "She shows her love for people, by beating the life out of them. The stronger the feeling, the more the damage... Last time she was here, we lost about 12 doors, 42 windows, 186 pieces of furniture, and damaged about 359 square feet of wall..."  
  
Aragorn and Gimli stared as she continued pummeling Legolas. "I hope she doesn't like us..."  
  
All of a sudden, Kouna stopped and retained her air of innocence. She looked at Legolas and gasped, "Legolas! My love! You did this to you?!? Who could be so cruel as to harm your fair face my love!?!?"  
  
"YOU DID IT YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!" Legolas shouted!!! "AND LEAVE ME ALONE DAMMIT!!!"  
  
"Now Legolas, that's no way to treat your fiancé!" she chided.  
  
"AND WHO THE HELL SAID WE WERE GETTING MARRIED?!?!" Legolas yelled while trying to get away from her.  
  
"You proposed to me silly!" she giggled.  
  
"ONLY BECAUSE YOU THREATENED ME YOU PSYCHO!!!" Legolas screamed in frustration.  
  
"Legolas..." Kouna sniffled, "why are you being so mean?"  
  
"Maybe because you used my body to demolish half the gate?!?!?!" Legolas hollered.  
  
"Now Legolas, that's no way to treat *any* lady!" came a familiar but slurred voice.  
  
Thranduil and Elrond had returned... Not that anyone recognized them.  
  
Arwen's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets, "ADA?!?!?!?!"  
  
Elrond responded giving the peace sign. "Hiya Arwen!"  
  
Thranduil and Elrond, looked just like a pair of hippies...  
  
Legolas and Arwen fainted.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
OK, sorry for the shortness, next chappie will include some new Greenleaf family members, and more about Kouna (no people, don't worry, Legolas will NEVER walk her down the isle. She just threatened to crush him with a boulder if her didn't propose to her but more about that in the next chapter!) And I will also be starting another fic soon called "Bright Eyes" although that will be angsty and may have some slash. ^^ Sorry, I know like that... ^_^;;; Please leave a review (and if there are any anime fans out there, yes, I based Kouna on Kogura from Fruits Basket. But now, my persona Kogura is not based on her. Oh, and I was too lazy to proofread this, so, it was either wait a week or until I feel like editing, or I put it up now and you guys tell me any serious mistakes and I fix it later. I figured you guys would prefer the latter. ^^ I luv ya'll! 


	17. Chapter 17

(yawn) Good morning ya'll!!! Oo (dodges random objects thrown at her head) Now, now, after waiting all this time, would it not be slightly counterproductive to kill the author? (nervous grin) Sorry I took so long, I hit a road block in the area of what to do with Thranduil and Elrond so if anyone has any suggestions (even 'stupid' ones) please, do tell by all means. Onto the review replies!   
  
NightbirdSongbird: Yes, I do believe we can most certainly establish that Kouna is the Mary Sue reject from Hell. Lol, Elrond is married but hey, I think a few thousand years merit an affair. thinking hmmm... Thranduil/Elrond... eh, we'll see. Nothing hard core, maybe a smooch. cough mad sex in the stables cough Ummmmm, did someone say something? (sweatdrop) (hands them all cookies except for Betty who gets a thingy of sushi) Sorry Betty luv, I dunno what you like. Review again!   
  
Lainfaer: ;; lol... Sorry, no Legolas slash in this story (unless I get very, very drunk which is unlikely as I am only 17.5 years of age) and I'm sorry to say, I like Legolas/Gimli. Yes, I know I'm a freak. But they do have wonderful matching personalities, now if only we could make Gim-Gim a few feet taller and just a tad cuter. Lol, everyone loves hippies, even us "right-wing nut jobs". Lol, I love that video from jibjab. com.Yes, I am a right-winger; no, let's not bring up any more politics because that is one of the leading causes of strife in communities. (hands her a cookie) Review again, luv!   
  
Strider Evenstar: lol, quite frighteningly, she slightly reminds me of myself, (I have a nasty habit of almost choking people I hug, the more I like you, the more likely you shall receive a cracked rib or get knocked over). Oh, I LOVE PoTC, I have a fic for that (a joint work between me and my best friend since the age of 11) that is somewhat a work in progress, although it's slash (pretty heavy slash at that) so I would refrain from reading it if it's not your cup of tea. But long live Jack/Will!!! XD Meep, a 47 in math? ... (has a 91 in Honors Math and 91 is her lowest grade) . I feel like such a geek. Well, I did just get back from "Nerd Camp" but it was cool, I got to play with cadavers (a.k.a. dead bodies of humans). XD lol, dun worry, I _live_ to have people tell me their problems, I do it among my friends all the time and I like to think of my reviewers as friends. (gives reviewer a cookie) Enjoy!  
  
Mascara freak: (nod) Poor Legolas indeed but, hey, bright side, he gets to beat someone else up soon enough. Probably not this chapter though. And just out of a long standing curiosity... Do you _really_ like mascara? I love it lot's but I was just curious. ... Ok, I'll shut up now, I'm getting long-winded. (gives her a cookie) Please read and review!   
  
Nirobie: I'm glad you like it and as always, I'm glad you reviewed, (hands her a cookie) Please do so again but more importantly enjoy this chapter!   
  
squiddie03: 'Talent'? (blushing) I don't know about, I creative mind perhaps but I doubt that there's much talent involved. Either way, here's more, as you requested! (gives cookie to reviewer) Please enjoy!   
  
Chapter 17

Chapter 17

  
"NO!!! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN MORDOR I AM WEARING _THAT_!!!!!" Legolas' voice shattered what there was of an early morning peace.

"But my lord! You have nothing else clean! And it's technically not a dress, it a robe," One of the servants pleaded.

" I didn't call it a dress so you obviously know damn well that thing is one. But how the hell did this happen!?!?"

Legolas' mother came in, "Maybe if you brought down your laundry like a civilized elf, you would have clean clothes. What did you think; that some _servant_ was going to appear and do that for you?"

"Seeing as how we live in a palace, _yes_!!!"

This was obviously a grave mistake on Legolas' part and he realized this which his mother grabbed his cheek, "Don't you _dare_ take that tone with me!!! You _will_ get into that outfit and you _will_ show more respect towards others. Is that _clear_?"

"... But it's a friggin' _dress_!"

"**_GOT IT?!?!?!?_**"

"Yes mom..."

_Meanwhile_

"Aragorn, could you pass the syrup?" Thranduil asked, still in drag as a hippie.

Aragorn cautiously handed the elf king the syrup, acting as though he was worried that Thranduil would impale him with something if he got too close. Everyone was treating both Thranduil and Elrond in a similar manner yet the elf lords were oblivious. Kouna had been locked in her room by 'someone' and had not been missed yet.

Gimli looked at the hallways door for the hundredth time, "Where the bloody hell is that elf?"

As if to answer his question, Legolas walked in, blushing madly with a truly irritated look on his face. Everyone fought the urge to fall out of their chairs, laughing at the garment that greatly resembled a dress, and a rather lacey one at that.

Legolas glared at them all, "Don't... say... a word..." he spat out vehemently, an unspoken death threat was etched upon his face to any who dared to mention his outfit.

"LEGOLAS!!!!!" a bright and cheery voice was heard before a young elf boy with (relatively) short blonde hair jumped onto Legolas' shoulders and looked down at the elven prince, "Legolas, why are you dressed like a girl?" he asked.

"ELRIC!!! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!!!" Legolas shouted before knocking the shorter elf off.

"Wahhhhh... Legolas is hitting me!" Elric moped.

"Legolas, be nice to your little cousin!" Thranduil barked.

"And Elric, you shouldn't comment on other's outfits; knowing Legolas, he would not be in that garb if he had a choice in the matter," said an older looking elf that look a lot like Thranduil.

"Ruindil, toror-nin! My Brother!" Thranduil shouted gleefully, ran forward to hug brother until Ruindil held out his arms to stop his brother and keep him at arms length.

"Thranduil, you're a king, you have been for the past 3,000 years, act like it." Ruindil said in a nonchalant voice.

Thranduil pouted, "But we haven't seen each other since New Years, surely that is cause for celebration."

"Thranduil, that was only a few months ago, it hasn't been that long at all."

"Either way, these are our guests, Aragorn of Gondor, and... er... a dwarf, I forget his name..."

Gimli reached for his axe until Legolas grabbed it and put it out of his reach. "Gimli... Mellon-nin... Don't kill your friends' fathers indoors, especially in their own homes, it's not polite..." Gimli just growled in response while sitting back down.

Ruindil stared at Legolas and Gimli before returning his attention to his brother, "Thranduil, I do believe Kouna is here? I have come to take her back home, her parents are worried..."

Legolas looked like he had just announced that famine had been abolished and world peace, achieved. "Why didn't you say so? I can take you to her room right away!" he said grinning while showing Ruindil the way.

Aragorn smiled, "He's easily pleased," he turned to Elric, "Your name is Elric, right? How old are you?"

Elric beamed, "2,500 years old! Exactly!"

Aragorn and Gimli almost fell out of their chairs.

"B-b-but... That's almost as old as Legolas!" Aragorn stuttered

Elric nodded, "I know, I'm short for my age, ada says I'm a late bloomer and should get really tall when I'm around 2,550. I can't wait!" The elf seemed absolutely oblivious to the looks on Aragorn's and Gimli's faces.

Ruindil and Legolas returned with Kouna who was being restrained by Ruindil so she wouldn't attach herself to Legolas' arm.

Ruindil dragged Kouna out of the room, "Oh, and brother? Elric needs a place to stay for a bit, his mother and I are going to Lothlorien for awhile. I am assuming that it would be ok for him to stay here?"

Thranduil smiled, "Sure, no problem! Have fun!" He waved merrily to his brother who was struggling with dragging the now tied and gagged Kouna.

Elric smiled, "I guess I'm staying in my usual room, see you guys!" With that the elf skipped merrily down the hall.

Gimli blinked a few times before asking Aragorn, "What just happened?"

Aragorn shrugged and they both went back to eating.

TBC

Ok! I'm done! Sorry it's short and unedited but I didn't have time to edit it, I have to have my last driving lesson before I take my driving test. Wish me luck guys! Please review!


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